Mo is dead. Just shy of one year in our home, the tenacious goldfish finally had enough. Saturday night I changed his water, Sunday morning he was gone. Maybe it was too cold for him. Maybe the new water filters didn’t agree with him. I choose the latter because that’s Dan’s department. We put off sharing this news with the kids until after church and their naps, thinking that this could be a really intense time and an opportunity to talk about what death means. We were prepared to make a quick trip to PetCo to procure Mo II. No need. Both of them shrugged it off and wondered aloud what pet they could get next time. I guess I was a tad more attached to the silly fish than they were.

Speaking of uncles, I thought I’d share a note we received from another one yesterday. F~ said:

"Hey, I was having my cup of coffee the other morning and this was the cup that comforted the cup that I was enjoying, and it reminded me of you guys. Instead of sending you the entire cup, I just cut out “the way I see it.” It too is the way I see it. So there you have it. "

Enclosed was a portion of a cardboard cup with this statement on it:

"I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart. "

I agree. And I'm grateful that our daughter will have an extended family that also recognizes what a gift adoption is. I would only add that adoption isn't just a great "alternative" for those who cannot have biological children, but also a tremendous blessing for those who choose adoption because they CAN.

Doesn’t every kid long to hang out with firemen? Well ours get to! Their Uncle P~ is proud to serve his community as a paramedic and fireman. This week he, along with the other gracious men at his station, invited us to have dinner with them. The kids were in heaven playing in the trucks and trying on the protective gear. Even just watching a movie on the firehouse TV was somehow far more special than watching the same flick at home. The firemen served us a delicious meal, and even welcomed some dear friends of ours who are missionaries in South Africa. The highlight, however, had to be a ride on the engine itself, complete with lights and sirens! Each of the men worked hard at convincing us that they love to have families visit, so I have a feeling we’ll be back soon!

I now officially have normal kids. Dan and I are champion sleepers. Alyssa and Parker, therefore, by nature are champion sleepers. We have been incredibly spoiled as parents. Alyssa slept through the night (as in 12 hours!) from the 2nd week on, and Parker was right behind her with 10 hours by the 4th week. They still each take an afternoon nap of 2 ½ - 3 hours. But as of the last few weeks they have become normal in this sense: no matter when they go to bed, they wake up at the same time. Granted, that time is 7 am (not the requisite dawn of most) but if you’ll notice the time stamp on this post, I am very much a night owl. 7 am comes early for me. We used to be able to keep them up until 9, 10’o clock if our evening plans required, knowing that whatever sleep they missed would be caught up the next morning. No longer do we have that luxury. I know I really shouldn’t complain. I have been incredibly blessed, and in many ways this is great prep for the day when a new baby (who likely doesn’t have the “great sleeper” genes) will interrupt my tidy life. It’s also an opportunity to prepare for the sad day when Alyssa starts kindergarten. But when you’ve enjoyed something so luxurious for so long, it’s hard to say good-bye!

So it’s pretty funny that my last post was about our fabulous weather because today we got snow! Not the light fluffy stuff that sticks, but something closer to real snow than anything else we’ve had in the 11 years I’ve lived here. Of course, it only lasted about 15 minutes at our house, but that was long enough for the kids to take a quick run around in it (in their pajamas because we didn’t know how long it would stay around), eat a little, and snap a few pictures. We later stopped by the college where I’m an adjunct professor and found a little more to play in. Alyssa and Parker loved it, but I don’t think they quite grasped the fact that this may be the last time they ever see white stuff in their backyard!

One more reason we love where we live! These pictures were taken a couple of weeks ago, but even though it's now cold by southern California standards, it is still warm enough to play outside without a snowsuit. We're also only 4 hours away from our favorite world-class ski resort, Mammoth, so don't think we're cheating our children by keeping them away from snow! My heart goes out to all you blog-friends who are suffering through such extreme weather... I will appreciate my hassle-free drive to Target today even more because of you.

Another precious bit of information came today from Casey who was recently at Reagan’s orphanage picking up her own sweet girl. Here is what she said:

I can tell you that I spent more time holding your baby than any other child at the orphanage besides Olivia… She was so so tiny and still had her umbilical stump. I didn't think she could be more than a couple of weeks old. She was so very little. The nanny's take very very good care of the babies. They obviously can't hold them all the time, but they swing their little bassinettes almost constantly. Your little girl was absolutely perfect and precious. I'm glad I was able to give her some hugs and love while she waits for you!

I can’t begin to express what a joy it is to hear that she is being loved, and especially that she’s been held by someone I “know.” It sounds like she might even be a little spoiled! Another mom also wrote to say that the babies stay in those bassinettes until they’re a year, so we’ll probably need to get a swing! I’m just relieved that Reagan, Lord-willing, will never have to sleep on those wood slats. Praise God for my “absolutely perfect and precious” girl, for the care He is ultimately providing for her, and for these little confirmations of His generosity toward her and us.

A sweet surprise! Today we received another picture of our little Reagan! It was taken November 19th by another family traveling to pick up their daughter. We are immensely grateful for this glimpse into Reagan’s life. I had thought she was sleeping in more of a wooden crate structure with no mattress or blanket, but apparently those are the toddler beds – the infants are coddled a little more and get real blankets and pillows! Again, I’m reassured that while the orphanage is quite poor, the care for these precious ones is quite tender. Reagan looks very clean (as does her bedding) and comfortable – and still VERY tiny! Look at that little elbow! I’m so anxious to see what she actually looks like. Every picture we have is so different from the others that I wonder if I’ll even recognize her when we meet for the first time. I wonder what she looks like when she’s happy, when she’s upset, drinking her bottle, playing… Does she smile yet? Does she chew on her hand or cross her legs? Does she like to take a bath? Does she eat fast or slow? So many things that you know intuitively about your biological children, but I have no clue about. She is every bit my daughter, but still very much a stranger to me. I wonder when that will change. I’m prepared for the possibility that those feelings won’t be transformed the moment I first see her, but I hope that it will be sooner rather than later.

I just thought I’d share with you a small victory from our home. Though not earth shattering, and maybe a little too personal for a blog, it’s a big step for us. Are you ready? Parker is potty trained! Personally I’m quite proud and equally shocked. He only just turned 2 ½ and I’d always heard how much harder it is to train a boy. With that in mind, I hadn’t planned on even starting the process until he was at least three. Several weeks ago, however, he moved into a new Sunday school room, and the teacher there asked if we could put him in a pull-up since they don’t have a changing table. The next day we tried it out at home, he loved it, and basically potty-trained himself from that day forward. He’s now dry most every night, and I can even trust him to wear big boy undies when we go out! The only real drawback is that he’s the narrowest little guy ever and if his pants were falling down with a diaper to add bulk, just imagine what it’s like now! He still wears 6-12 month and 12-18 month clothing at 24 months old. Height-wise he’s normal, but he’s barely on the growth charts for weight – a combo that destines him to wear a tight-cinching belt with every outfit. I wish you could see him in his new get-up, but for propriety’s sake I will refrain. Just know that there’s nothing cuter than a tiny little boy in a white t-shirt and Mr. Incredible briefs!

DTV! Our dossier is finally on its way to Vietnam! The Secretary of State returned the problem documents (medical approval from our doctors) to our agency, Dillon over-nighted them to us, I tracked down the notary who had made the mistakes, he corrected them, I returned the documents to the Secretary of State, they authenticated them and forwarded them to the Vietnam consulate. The consulate approved them, sent them back to our agency, and the medicals, together with the rest of our dossier, are actually now ready to be translated! The error that precipitated all this mess? Two lines which were filled in “November 22” instead of “November 22, 2006.” Never mind that both pages had the complete date in two other places! There’s no way you could look at either document and draw any other conclusion than that they were signed on 11/22/06. Proof positive that the Secretary of State of California really is the pickiest! The seeming insignificance of the error just leads me to believe that it had to be the hand of God. He clearly has a purpose in the delay, and though I may never know what it is, I am grateful to have a God Who’s plan is even better than mine. I’ve long been encouraged by the promise of Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” He is the perfect provider and protector, and as long as I’m careful to live a life pleasing to Him, He’ll never withhold something that would be good for me. That means that complete paperwork would not have been good for me two weeks ago when the other families’ dossiers were sent off. That means that having Reagan home now is not the best thing. So while it’s frustrating to be held up by such silly things, and heartbreaking to know that our little girl is growing up without us, I am confident that God’s plan is perfect and someday I’ll look back in awe of His orchestration of these events for my good and His glory. Somebody just remind me of that in April when my confidence will likely be waning!

Remember me telling you about how wonderful my parents are? Well they’re even better than I thought. They won’t accept thank you notes, so I’m going to post my gratitude here for all the world to see! Christmas day they showered us with gifts, as usual. But about half way through dinner they insisted that we all stop eating because they couldn’t wait for us to open our last packages. We then proceeded to unwrap what was one of the most incredible gifts I’ve ever received. They gave us (or rather, me) a treasured bracelet. It's an object so special to them that at first I couldn’t even imagine accepting it. We tried to give it back, but my parents were positively giddy about the idea of relinquishing it. They continued to insist that they would enjoy it more if we owned it than if they did. My brother-in-law was actually convinced that my parents must be dying – why else would they be willing to give something like this up? The answer is that they are truly the most generous people I have ever known. I feel downright miserly in comparison. Their treasure is in heaven and they ACT like it. For me it was so convicting to see how lightly they hold onto the things of this world, and how much joy they found in the pleasure of others. I’ve been challenged lately about what it means to be a joyful giver, and specifically what it means to send your treasure on ahead, through a little book I would highly recommend called The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn. I am blessed, though, to not just own a great book on the subject, but to have two living examples not 3 miles away! So thanks Mom and Dad. Not just for my exquisite gift, but for your lives.

Having children, both biological and now adopted, has given me insight into certain truths of Scripture that I’ve never even thought about before. Lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that Mary worshipped her son. I’m often tempted to worship my children by making them more important than my relationship with God, or by admiring their qualities without giving honor to their Maker. Of course the desire of my heart is to honor God above all else, but practically, my three little blessings can distract me from Him if I’m not careful. Mary was free from that temptation because her son really was her Lord. What a feeling that must have been, to cuddle, tickle, feed and stare at the face of God! Amazing to think that by admiring and being absorbed in, and completely falling in love with her child, she was actually worshipping her Savior. Luke 1:47 records Mary’s feelings in her words: “And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.” I’m sure she would be appalled to know how many people today worship her as the way to God. Clearly she recognized Jesus as “the way, the truth and the life” and that no one could “come to the Father except through [Him]” (John 14:6), because even after His death, resurrection and ascension, Mary continued to identify with the true believers (Acts 1:14). Her love for Christ was not just the affection of a mother for her baby boy, it was the love of a heart saved from sin and transformed by His grace. My prayer is that I (and you!) can also learn to love the baby of Christmas as Mary did. That we might not leave Him there in the manger, but instead might declare what Simeon did when he looked at the infant Christ: “my eyes have seen Your salvation which You have prepared before the face of all peoples” (Luke 2:30).

Good news and bad news. The good news is we received a new picture of Reagan today! I’m not sure exactly when it was taken but she already looks so much bigger! Her little arms and legs have really filled out and we can finally see her hands. All of the families who have traveled to her orphanage thus far have mentioned they were very impressed with the care the children receive, but it’s reassuring to see for ourselves that our baby seems to be thriving.
The bad news is that there is a problem with our paperwork. Back in May we each had a physical, and later came back with a notary to have medical clearance letters signed and notarized. Unfortunately those letters expire next week and there’s no way they’ll be translated and “logged in” at the Vietnamese Dept of International Adoption before then. In anticipation of this problem we went through the whole process again in November – new exam, new notary, new letters – which is a bit tricky considering Dan and I have different doctors, neither of them have a notary in the building, each require a real appointment to sign the letters, and traveling notaries are expensive! But we got it all done and sent in to the Secretary of State in early December. They should have been returned by now, so our agency checked into it and determined that the letters would be rejected because our notary neglected to fill in the dates properly! They probably won’t be able to start processing the rest of our dossier until those letters are fixed, authenticated by the Secretary of State of California (which, by the way, is apparently the worst one of the 50 to work with), consularized by the Vietnamese consulate in San Fransisco, approved by our agency in Tulsa, and then finally forwarded to Vietnam. When all is said and done, this will probably set us back at least two weeks.

Okay, reading back over what I just wrote I imagine you’re probably all bored and overwhelmed with way too much information. Let’s just sum it up by saying, please pray that this will all get worked out quickly, that the translation process can be expedited, and that we’ll be able to catch up to the other two families we hope to be able to travel with. Maybe too this has given you a little glimpse into what we all go through to get these babies home! Thanks in advance for your prayers, and enjoy the new photo of our little peanut!

And the name is... Reagan! After much debate and much time convincing a very determined four-year-old that it IS a girl name, we have finally decided on Reagan Van-Thao ~. Alyssa was determined to name her Kiara and insisted that even if we decided to give her a different name she would still call her Kiara. She wasn't actually defiant about it, just resolved in a pretty cute way. Already she is so protective of and excited about her new sister. One of the first things we did upon receiving our referral was to upload Reagan’s picture to Costco and have about 2 dozen copies printed. Immediately after we picked them up, Alyssa asked for her copy and tape and promptly taped it to the wall next to her bed. She also has a wallet-sized copy and shows her sister to everyone! Parker also, though only 2 ½, knows that he’s a big brother and talks about his little sister all the time. I’m sure at some point they’re going to start to wonder if this is really going to happen, but at least now they have a face to love on!

Yesterday we signed our official acceptance papers! Of course I was determined to get them completed and returned the same day, but that proved to be quite a feat considering I didn’t get home to see the instructions until 1:30, Dan was at work which is 35 minutes away, the package needed to include a thoughtful letter to the orphanage director, everything had to be notarized in triplicate and the post office’s cut-off time is 4pm. By God’s grace we got it all together, and though I missed the 4 o’clock deadline by 18 minutes, the express mail carrier was still there and took it anyway. Needless to say I had a stress headache by the time I finally in the car to drive home in LA’s rush-hour traffic.

This post, however, is really about the amazing mother that I have. When I called her at 1:30 she dropped everything, came over with my dad, helped me fill out some of the paperwork, and stayed with the kids while they were sleeping so I didn’t have to drag 2 nap-less kids to the notary with me. And that is so typical of both my parents and my in-laws. All of them will gladly set aside whatever is on their agendas to be with our kids. But what she left behind at our house yesterday is what has me in tears here over how wonderful she is. Sitting in front of me is a journal she has made for our new daughter. From the day we first told my parents we were going to pursue adoption, she has secretly and lovingly documented each step of the way. Included are photographs of important people and events, commentary on each little bit of adoption news, related newspaper articles, posts from our agency’s adoption forum – everything you could think of, and details I’ve forgotten – ending with our first family “portrait” from Friday after we told her the fabulous news. I put off reading it until naptime this afternoon. Dan read it last night and he was nearly in tears, so I knew I couldn’t start until I could be alone for a while. It is a treasure not only because of its value as a keepsake for our daughter, but also because of the depth of her love revealed in it. I knew that I could love a baby not born to me, but its so comforting to be assured of the love already growing the hearts of those around us for this precious baby girl. Love that existed long before our daughter was even conceived! An added blessing will be that my parents are planning on traveling with us to Vietnam so they’ll get to share in that incredible moment when we see their newest granddaughter’s face for the first time in person. God is so gracious to have given me such an incredible family all the way around!

Here's another attempt to post a picture of our precious baby girl. I know it's so small and so grainy but it's the only one we have. I thought that perhaps if I cropped it down to just her face you could get a better idea what she looks like. Our agency is going to try to get another picture for us soon, but their offices in Vietnam are quite some distance from her orphanage so I imagine the updates will be few and far between. We'll take what we can get! The funny thing is, for the millions of times I know I will examine this photo between now and the day we finally hold her in our arms, she won't look like this at all by the time that day comes. I will just treasure every piece I can collect from her life before she's finally ours and guard each one carefully until I can pass them on to her someday.

Our daughter now has a face, but no longer has a name. Of course she has a Vietnamese name, part of which we’ll use as her middle name, but we want to give her an American first name. For 16 months we’ve been calling her Savannah. We agreed on that name almost immediately after we decided to adopt a little girl and you’ll notice that it still appears in my profile to your left. However, now that this is all starting to feel very real, Savannah just doesn’t seem quite right. Naming someone is a big chore! A privilege, but a weighty one, and making the choice together with a man and a very opinionated 4 year-old is proving difficult. Alyssa has begun informing God in her every prayer regarding her sister that we’re going to be changing her name. Just in case God gets confused! I’m feeling pressure to name her now in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. My deadline before last Friday was to have a name by the time we picked her up, but now that we know who she is and know that she’s born, it seems quite sad to me that she’s still nameless. So we’re open to suggestions! On the short list right now are Reagan and Ashlyn. What do you think?!

While it may seem like our wait is over, we are really just starting a different kind of wait. In some ways this part will be harder - our girl will be growing up without us - but in other ways I imagine it will be easier - at least there's a goal in sight and some assurance that this really is going to happen. Since many of you have already asked why we can't just go pick her up now, following is an exerpt from a letter our agency sent us a while back.

After a referral of a child has been accepted and the family has returned the paperwork to Dillon, we will prepare the acceptance documents to be sent to Vietnam. The following is an outline of what occurs once your paperwork arrives in Vietnam:

Your dossier and acceptance papers are sent to Ho Chi Minh City to our attorney, Thomas. When Thomas receives your dossier, he will forward it to a translator. The translation process can take 1-3 weeks.

After your dossier has completed the translation process, Thomas will send it to the
International Adoption Department (IAD) in Ha Noi. The IAD will review your dossier, and, if they are satisfied with all the documents, they will give your dossier a log-in date. You can estimate you will travel within 3-6 months of this log-in date.

After the IAD has given your dossier a log-in date, they will send a letter to your child’s province requesting that the Local Justice Department begin compiling your child’s legal documents, which is also called the child’s dossier. This process can take up to 30 business days.

Once the IAD in Ha Noi receives your child’s dossier, they will review your child’s dossier and your dossier. After they are satisfied with all the dossier documents, they will forward your family's dossier and the child's dossier back to your child’s Local Justice Department in your child’s province.

When the Local Justice Department in your child’s province receives your dossier and your child’s dossier, they will forward the dossier documents to the People’s Committee and then the People’s Committee will set a date and time for the Giving and Receiving Ceremony.

Families should have approximately two weeks notice before travel.

Please remember that due to this being a new and evolving program, the process and timeframes outlined above can change without notice.

So all that to say, though we're overwhelmingly grateful for this early Christmas gift, we won't get to enjoy her fully until at least Easter! In the meantime please pray with us that everything will go smoothly throughout this process and that we'll see our girl sooner rather than later.

Today is THE day! The day we have been praying for! The day we got the fabulous phone call we’ve been waiting so many months for! Today we were introduced to our DAUGHTER! She is a precious little thing, only 6 weeks old, and only 5 ½ pounds. Our biological children were over 8 ½ lbs and 7 ½ lbs respectively at birth, so I can’t even imagine what such a tiny baby would feel like. Of course she’ll grow quite a bit between now and the time we meet her in person, but I think we’ll probably still get to reuse all of Alyssa’s clothes – even the tiniest things! For some reason I was just sure that we’d be bringing home a toddler, so to think that we have an infant – well it’s just better than I could have imagined. God is so good! The funny thing is, the last few days I’ve really been meditating on the fact that God is good all the time. He’s not any more or less good based on my experience, and I can praise Him for His goodness no matter the circumstance. But I have to say that I am more in awe of His grace in my life today that I was yesterday! He even answered my prayers that our daughter would have a known birthday (not just an assumed one), a real birth certificate, and that she would be relinquished (not abandoned). I really am overwhelmed! I’ll post more later (in fact, you’re unlikely to read of anything else here for a while) but for now I need to stop and enjoy the two precious babies that are already in our home!

We had sick kiddos this weekend. Nothing major and they’re both now fully recovered, so I can post just how adorable they are when they’re under the weather. Normally they are both way to busy to cuddle, so a willingness to sit is my first indication that something is wrong. Cleaning up the inevitable results of the flu is not fun, and I feel so sorry for them, but I do cherish the opportunity to baby them a little. Here they are, comforting each other on the couch, fully engrossed in Curious George – a rare treat reserved for sick days.