Our first "portrait" as a family of 5!

You ought to see my spreadsheet. As you may or may not know, I’m a CPA (or rather, a mostly-retired, technically “inactive” CPA), so organizing my life in Excel comes very naturally. For months and months now I’ve been tracking every little bit of info I can get my hands on about the timing of other families through this adoption process (about 70 of them at this point – and that only includes those who participate in our agency’s on-line forum). Did you know that Excel can calculate dates? Of course, our agency tries very hard to drill into our heads the fact that we really shouldn’t compare timelines. But when you’re this emotionally involved in a process (a child!) over which you have ZERO control, you are reduced to prayer and analysis. It’s embarrassing how many times I have manipulated the dates trying to figure out just when we’ll be picking up our precious girl. Add to that the complications of a wedding we’re trying to work around, my parents’ vacation plans, and my teaching schedule, and we’re looking at a very small window of “ideal” travel time. At this point, the very best case scenerio (based on past experience) would have us traveling the first week of April, while the worst case scenerio (based on past experience, plus a few weeks of extra delays for Tet) would put us on a plane the last week of May. I refuse to even think about the fact that our agency insists families should plan on a 3-6 month wait from log-in date to travel. 6 months means August, and that I just couldn’t bear. We have a lot of godly people praying for early April, so let’s hope that’s God’s will!

"The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much" - James 5:16

My heart is full, my mind is blown, my body is tired. Dan and I spent the weekend at a conference sponsored by the college group at our church – our ministry of choice for the past few years. Resolved was a weekend full of little else but fabulous music and incredible expository preaching. Over 3200 people, mostly age 22 and under, gathered to worship our God enthusiastically and with conviction. Sleeping, and even eating, was generally set aside, which says a lot if you know me at all. I’d love to say more, and perhaps someday soon I’ll post exactly how God impacted me, but a fellow blogger has said it all so much better than I could. Challies’ notes from each of the 9 sermons might as well be transcripts they’re so detailed! I’d especially recommend the content from John Piper… you can even listen to them yourself if you’d like. It was such a blessing to be surrounded by so many individuals who are committed to the truth of God’s Word, and despite the exhaustion (and being away from my kids way too much!) I’d go again next weekend if I could.

One of the moms on an adoption forum I participate in asked this question recently: Where were you when you got “the call” (informing you of your referral)? It was such a fun moment to recall that I thought I’d share it with all of you.
Though I had been on pins and needles for weeks, jumping every time the phone rang, just 2 days before THE call I had spoken with the Vietnam director at our agency who indicated it might still be a while before they would have referral for us. That said, I really wasn’t expecting such great news so soon. Friday morning, December 8th, Dan and I were sleeping in, enjoying a little time without the kids. Around 9 (remember, we're champion sleepers), the phone rang and I answered only because I saw that it was Dillon. Katie, our case manager, sensed I was a little groggy and apologized, but of course I wasn’t about to complain! She told us they had a baby girl for us! I didn’t freak out quite the way I thought I might… perhaps because I wasn’t fully awake! I quickly found paper and a pen to write down everything they knew about her. It’s a miracle any of that was legible because my hands were shaking so badly. The biggest shock was that our girl really was a BABY… only 6 weeks old at the time. We were open to a toddler and only one other infant had ever been adopted from Vietnam through our agency, so I was fully expecting to bring home at least a one-year old. (Of course it was a very pleasant surprise – I’m thrilled that we’ll miss so little of her precious life.) Well, once I hung up with Katie, I ran to shake Dan awake with the news. He was startled, excited, everything you’d expect. Together we sat in bed with our laptop and opened her picture together. Within a few minutes we had a photo order sent off to Costco so we’d be able to share her with everyone. We quickly got ready, donned the traditional Vietnamese hat one of Dan’s co-workers had brought to him, and drove over to my parents to retrieve the kids from their sleepover. It took a few minutes for my mom to understand why Dan was wearing the hat, but instantly teared up when she realized what it meant. Alyssa and Parker caught on then too, and we promptly called my sister to come over, and summoned my Dad from the golf course. Before we left, my mom took our first family “portrait”: the four of us together with Reagan’s photo. From there we tracked Dan’s mom, sister, and nieces down at Target. Parker wore the hat, and Alyssa assaulted them with the picture. One of the funniest moments came from a stranger who was in the same isle my in-laws had been shopping in. Observing all of our hugs and chatter, she quickly figured out what was happening, and came up to me saying: “I don’t know you, but I just have to give you a hug. Congratulations!” We then all went to lunch with my father-in-law to share the great news with him. It all felt so much like announcing a pregnancy, but even better in some respects. We already had a picture and name for our baby, and the hope that we’d get to meet her in less than 9 months! I really think it will be hard for Reagan to ever doubt that she was wanted, prayed for, and greatly anticipated by her ENTIRE family!

Tet isn’t so bad after all. We were repeatedly warned by our agency that progress on the adoption front would come to a screeching halt for the entire month of February. I’m thrilled to report that they were wrong! Not only has February brought us our log-in date, 2 families received referrals, and several others were given the fabulous news that they will be able to pick up their precious children in just a few short weeks! Of course we’re not waiting for any news in particular – we expect that this next step will take about 6 weeks – but it’s encouraging to hear that work is still being done, and that presumably, our paperwork is moving along too. I’m sure that everything will slow down considerably over the next couple of weeks since Tet officially starts on Sunday, but I’ve also heard that the Vietnamese tend to work harder after the New Year celebration, so maybe it will all cancel itself out. One can hope!

On an unrelated topic (kind of)... Since I don’t have any recent pictures of Reagan, I thought I’d dig through My Pictures and find some photos of our bio kids when they were 3 ½ months old. I imagine Reagan will be significantly smaller, since both Alyssa and Parker were almost twice her size at birth, but it’s fun to think about what that stage looks and acts like and try to imagine what she’s up to these days!

Alyssa

Parker

LID!!! We finally have our log-in date! That basically means that the powers that be in Hanoi have approved our paperwork and authorized the government in Reagan’s province to begin compiling her dossier. So, as of Monday, we can officially start counting down our 3-6 month wait to travel. As most of you know, I’m a little compulsive about spreadsheets and such so I’ve been diligently tracking the timeframes of other families who have adopted babies from Reagan’s orphanage through our agency. Of course, we’re not supposed to compare, but even with an extra 3 week delay for Tet we would still travel in May if we don’t end up being the worst case scenario. I’m hoping for early May! The class I teach at my alma matter will essentially be over on May 2nd, the wedding in which Dan is serving as best-man and Alyssa as flower-girl will be past, and we could still make it home in time for Parker’s 3rd birthday. I’m confident God already has it perfectly orchestrated, but it’s fun to see that we’re making progress!

And I thought our adoption journey was difficult… A dear woman and friend who teaches my Bible Study Fellowship class on Tuesdays spent the summer with her family at an orphanage in Swaziland. They taught in the school, cared for the children, and lived in conditions consistent only with a third-world country (i.e. no refrigeration, no running water, no heating/cooling, etc.). As far as they knew, it was impossible to adopt any of the children, and with their 3 biological children nearly grown, adoption was the furthest thing from their minds. That is, until shortly before they left. Their youngest daughter (who had always begged for younger siblings) had fallen in love with one little girl in particular, and they learned that they might, in fact, be allowed to adopt her. After a couple of months contemplating the decision at home, they decided to pursue adopting both her and another little girl. So in October my friend set out, alone, to pick up these children. She expected to be back by Thanksgiving. Instead, she just barely made home before Valentine’s Day. A series of heart-wrenching events delayed their paperwork, prevented them from adopting the girl they already loved, and finally led her home with a baby girl and 2 ½ year-old boy to occupy the room they had set up for two older girls. Today I saw them all for the first time, and I couldn’t contain my tears. Tears of relief for her and joy for the two children who had been left for dead. R~’s children already seemed to be bonded well (due in no small part I’m sure to the 3+ months she spent with them in their home country), and it was amazing to see this miracle of adoption unfolded before my eyes. Of course the children are very dark and R~ is very blonde, but she IS their mom – no doubt about it. What an amazing legacy they now have – to go from biological parents who cared nothing for them, to a hospital laundry room where they ate whatever they could find for themselves, to a family that sacrificed everything to give them the opportunity to live, to hear the truth of the gospel, and to be loved unconditionally. When R~ first left, I admit I was a tad jealous. Here they had just decided that adoption was God’s plan for their family, and she was already on a plane to go get their children. Of course, all of this waiting we’re doing has its own challenges, but I can confidently say now that I prefer God’s plan for us to God’s plan for her! At least I can hold the babies He’s already given me while I wait for our next one. Dan Phillips over at Pyromaniacs challenged my thinking in this regard with a recent post. He reminded me that all the requests I bring to God which have so far been answered “not yet” only seem urgent because of all the prayers He’s already answered with a “yes.” I’m only longing for Reagan’s paperwork to be processed quickly and to receive updated pictures because God’s already provided us with a referral. I have time to sit and dwell on these things because He’s answered my prayers for the health of our children, the safety of Dan at work, and faithful provision of our basic needs (and MORE!). If that were not the case, those prayers would be the most urgent. So I’m going to try to be grateful for my wait, for the “yeses” that the wait rests upon, and especially for the fact that I’m waiting in California, not Swaziland.

I had a dream last night that we finally received our log-in-date. For those of you not as familiar with adoptionese, LID is the date when the Vietnamese government first approves our paperwork and authorizes Reagan’s province to start compiling her dossier. We’ve already been waiting almost 5 weeks since our dossier was sent to Vietnam, and the family we’re hoping to travel with has been waiting almost 7. It’s supposed to take 2-6 weeks, but since when are we on the quick end of the timeframe estimates? I’m starting to get a little anxious because until we get our LID we really can’t begin the “3-6” month countdown to travel, and Tet is just around the corner. Tet is the lunar New Year celebration that basically shuts down the whole country of Vietnam for most of the month of February. According to my dream we were logged in on January 22. Somehow I think I’m probably a little too optimistic in my dreams! However, some families have been logged-in for 10 days before receiving word, so it’s possible. Unlikely, but possible. Keep praying!

Mo is dead. Just shy of one year in our home, the tenacious goldfish finally had enough. Saturday night I changed his water, Sunday morning he was gone. Maybe it was too cold for him. Maybe the new water filters didn’t agree with him. I choose the latter because that’s Dan’s department. We put off sharing this news with the kids until after church and their naps, thinking that this could be a really intense time and an opportunity to talk about what death means. We were prepared to make a quick trip to PetCo to procure Mo II. No need. Both of them shrugged it off and wondered aloud what pet they could get next time. I guess I was a tad more attached to the silly fish than they were.

Speaking of uncles, I thought I’d share a note we received from another one yesterday. F~ said:

"Hey, I was having my cup of coffee the other morning and this was the cup that comforted the cup that I was enjoying, and it reminded me of you guys. Instead of sending you the entire cup, I just cut out “the way I see it.” It too is the way I see it. So there you have it. "

Enclosed was a portion of a cardboard cup with this statement on it:

"I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart. "

I agree. And I'm grateful that our daughter will have an extended family that also recognizes what a gift adoption is. I would only add that adoption isn't just a great "alternative" for those who cannot have biological children, but also a tremendous blessing for those who choose adoption because they CAN.

Doesn’t every kid long to hang out with firemen? Well ours get to! Their Uncle P~ is proud to serve his community as a paramedic and fireman. This week he, along with the other gracious men at his station, invited us to have dinner with them. The kids were in heaven playing in the trucks and trying on the protective gear. Even just watching a movie on the firehouse TV was somehow far more special than watching the same flick at home. The firemen served us a delicious meal, and even welcomed some dear friends of ours who are missionaries in South Africa. The highlight, however, had to be a ride on the engine itself, complete with lights and sirens! Each of the men worked hard at convincing us that they love to have families visit, so I have a feeling we’ll be back soon!

I now officially have normal kids. Dan and I are champion sleepers. Alyssa and Parker, therefore, by nature are champion sleepers. We have been incredibly spoiled as parents. Alyssa slept through the night (as in 12 hours!) from the 2nd week on, and Parker was right behind her with 10 hours by the 4th week. They still each take an afternoon nap of 2 ½ - 3 hours. But as of the last few weeks they have become normal in this sense: no matter when they go to bed, they wake up at the same time. Granted, that time is 7 am (not the requisite dawn of most) but if you’ll notice the time stamp on this post, I am very much a night owl. 7 am comes early for me. We used to be able to keep them up until 9, 10’o clock if our evening plans required, knowing that whatever sleep they missed would be caught up the next morning. No longer do we have that luxury. I know I really shouldn’t complain. I have been incredibly blessed, and in many ways this is great prep for the day when a new baby (who likely doesn’t have the “great sleeper” genes) will interrupt my tidy life. It’s also an opportunity to prepare for the sad day when Alyssa starts kindergarten. But when you’ve enjoyed something so luxurious for so long, it’s hard to say good-bye!

So it’s pretty funny that my last post was about our fabulous weather because today we got snow! Not the light fluffy stuff that sticks, but something closer to real snow than anything else we’ve had in the 11 years I’ve lived here. Of course, it only lasted about 15 minutes at our house, but that was long enough for the kids to take a quick run around in it (in their pajamas because we didn’t know how long it would stay around), eat a little, and snap a few pictures. We later stopped by the college where I’m an adjunct professor and found a little more to play in. Alyssa and Parker loved it, but I don’t think they quite grasped the fact that this may be the last time they ever see white stuff in their backyard!

One more reason we love where we live! These pictures were taken a couple of weeks ago, but even though it's now cold by southern California standards, it is still warm enough to play outside without a snowsuit. We're also only 4 hours away from our favorite world-class ski resort, Mammoth, so don't think we're cheating our children by keeping them away from snow! My heart goes out to all you blog-friends who are suffering through such extreme weather... I will appreciate my hassle-free drive to Target today even more because of you.

Another precious bit of information came today from Casey who was recently at Reagan’s orphanage picking up her own sweet girl. Here is what she said:

I can tell you that I spent more time holding your baby than any other child at the orphanage besides Olivia… She was so so tiny and still had her umbilical stump. I didn't think she could be more than a couple of weeks old. She was so very little. The nanny's take very very good care of the babies. They obviously can't hold them all the time, but they swing their little bassinettes almost constantly. Your little girl was absolutely perfect and precious. I'm glad I was able to give her some hugs and love while she waits for you!

I can’t begin to express what a joy it is to hear that she is being loved, and especially that she’s been held by someone I “know.” It sounds like she might even be a little spoiled! Another mom also wrote to say that the babies stay in those bassinettes until they’re a year, so we’ll probably need to get a swing! I’m just relieved that Reagan, Lord-willing, will never have to sleep on those wood slats. Praise God for my “absolutely perfect and precious” girl, for the care He is ultimately providing for her, and for these little confirmations of His generosity toward her and us.

A sweet surprise! Today we received another picture of our little Reagan! It was taken November 19th by another family traveling to pick up their daughter. We are immensely grateful for this glimpse into Reagan’s life. I had thought she was sleeping in more of a wooden crate structure with no mattress or blanket, but apparently those are the toddler beds – the infants are coddled a little more and get real blankets and pillows! Again, I’m reassured that while the orphanage is quite poor, the care for these precious ones is quite tender. Reagan looks very clean (as does her bedding) and comfortable – and still VERY tiny! Look at that little elbow! I’m so anxious to see what she actually looks like. Every picture we have is so different from the others that I wonder if I’ll even recognize her when we meet for the first time. I wonder what she looks like when she’s happy, when she’s upset, drinking her bottle, playing… Does she smile yet? Does she chew on her hand or cross her legs? Does she like to take a bath? Does she eat fast or slow? So many things that you know intuitively about your biological children, but I have no clue about. She is every bit my daughter, but still very much a stranger to me. I wonder when that will change. I’m prepared for the possibility that those feelings won’t be transformed the moment I first see her, but I hope that it will be sooner rather than later.

I just thought I’d share with you a small victory from our home. Though not earth shattering, and maybe a little too personal for a blog, it’s a big step for us. Are you ready? Parker is potty trained! Personally I’m quite proud and equally shocked. He only just turned 2 ½ and I’d always heard how much harder it is to train a boy. With that in mind, I hadn’t planned on even starting the process until he was at least three. Several weeks ago, however, he moved into a new Sunday school room, and the teacher there asked if we could put him in a pull-up since they don’t have a changing table. The next day we tried it out at home, he loved it, and basically potty-trained himself from that day forward. He’s now dry most every night, and I can even trust him to wear big boy undies when we go out! The only real drawback is that he’s the narrowest little guy ever and if his pants were falling down with a diaper to add bulk, just imagine what it’s like now! He still wears 6-12 month and 12-18 month clothing at 24 months old. Height-wise he’s normal, but he’s barely on the growth charts for weight – a combo that destines him to wear a tight-cinching belt with every outfit. I wish you could see him in his new get-up, but for propriety’s sake I will refrain. Just know that there’s nothing cuter than a tiny little boy in a white t-shirt and Mr. Incredible briefs!

DTV! Our dossier is finally on its way to Vietnam! The Secretary of State returned the problem documents (medical approval from our doctors) to our agency, Dillon over-nighted them to us, I tracked down the notary who had made the mistakes, he corrected them, I returned the documents to the Secretary of State, they authenticated them and forwarded them to the Vietnam consulate. The consulate approved them, sent them back to our agency, and the medicals, together with the rest of our dossier, are actually now ready to be translated! The error that precipitated all this mess? Two lines which were filled in “November 22” instead of “November 22, 2006.” Never mind that both pages had the complete date in two other places! There’s no way you could look at either document and draw any other conclusion than that they were signed on 11/22/06. Proof positive that the Secretary of State of California really is the pickiest! The seeming insignificance of the error just leads me to believe that it had to be the hand of God. He clearly has a purpose in the delay, and though I may never know what it is, I am grateful to have a God Who’s plan is even better than mine. I’ve long been encouraged by the promise of Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” He is the perfect provider and protector, and as long as I’m careful to live a life pleasing to Him, He’ll never withhold something that would be good for me. That means that complete paperwork would not have been good for me two weeks ago when the other families’ dossiers were sent off. That means that having Reagan home now is not the best thing. So while it’s frustrating to be held up by such silly things, and heartbreaking to know that our little girl is growing up without us, I am confident that God’s plan is perfect and someday I’ll look back in awe of His orchestration of these events for my good and His glory. Somebody just remind me of that in April when my confidence will likely be waning!

Remember me telling you about how wonderful my parents are? Well they’re even better than I thought. They won’t accept thank you notes, so I’m going to post my gratitude here for all the world to see! Christmas day they showered us with gifts, as usual. But about half way through dinner they insisted that we all stop eating because they couldn’t wait for us to open our last packages. We then proceeded to unwrap what was one of the most incredible gifts I’ve ever received. They gave us (or rather, me) a treasured bracelet. It's an object so special to them that at first I couldn’t even imagine accepting it. We tried to give it back, but my parents were positively giddy about the idea of relinquishing it. They continued to insist that they would enjoy it more if we owned it than if they did. My brother-in-law was actually convinced that my parents must be dying – why else would they be willing to give something like this up? The answer is that they are truly the most generous people I have ever known. I feel downright miserly in comparison. Their treasure is in heaven and they ACT like it. For me it was so convicting to see how lightly they hold onto the things of this world, and how much joy they found in the pleasure of others. I’ve been challenged lately about what it means to be a joyful giver, and specifically what it means to send your treasure on ahead, through a little book I would highly recommend called The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn. I am blessed, though, to not just own a great book on the subject, but to have two living examples not 3 miles away! So thanks Mom and Dad. Not just for my exquisite gift, but for your lives.

Having children, both biological and now adopted, has given me insight into certain truths of Scripture that I’ve never even thought about before. Lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that Mary worshipped her son. I’m often tempted to worship my children by making them more important than my relationship with God, or by admiring their qualities without giving honor to their Maker. Of course the desire of my heart is to honor God above all else, but practically, my three little blessings can distract me from Him if I’m not careful. Mary was free from that temptation because her son really was her Lord. What a feeling that must have been, to cuddle, tickle, feed and stare at the face of God! Amazing to think that by admiring and being absorbed in, and completely falling in love with her child, she was actually worshipping her Savior. Luke 1:47 records Mary’s feelings in her words: “And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.” I’m sure she would be appalled to know how many people today worship her as the way to God. Clearly she recognized Jesus as “the way, the truth and the life” and that no one could “come to the Father except through [Him]” (John 14:6), because even after His death, resurrection and ascension, Mary continued to identify with the true believers (Acts 1:14). Her love for Christ was not just the affection of a mother for her baby boy, it was the love of a heart saved from sin and transformed by His grace. My prayer is that I (and you!) can also learn to love the baby of Christmas as Mary did. That we might not leave Him there in the manger, but instead might declare what Simeon did when he looked at the infant Christ: “my eyes have seen Your salvation which You have prepared before the face of all peoples” (Luke 2:30).