As we finally get ready to go meet our precious daughter, it’s probably time to prepare you, our friends and family, for what it might be like when we return home.

It’s obvious that Reagan’s first 6 months of life have been very different from that of Alyssa and Parker. While we believe that her caretakers truly do the best they can for her, they have not had the opportunity to provide the same attention, love and consistency that a parent can. She has already suffered the loss of her birthparents, and will soon be ripped away from everything and everyone she has ever known. She will likely be confused, scared, and insecure. It will take time for her to learn that we love her and will always be there for her. Never in her short life have all of her needs been met by one individual. We will need to teach her what it’s like to have a mommy, a daddy and a family.

In light of that, we will treat her differently than we did our biological children. We happily passed Alyssa and Parker around to anyone who wanted a turn, starting with their first days in hospital rooms filled with dozens of loving on-lookers. Unfortunately, we can’t give you all that chance right away with Reagan. We want to share her! We’re anxious for you all to get to know and love her! But we also believe that it’s in her best interest to hold her a little tighter than we did with our other two, literally and figuratively. We will hold her a lot. We will probably spoil her a bit. We will probably seem overprotective. We will be her sole and devoted caretakers. Dan and I will be the only ones to change her diaper, feed her, bathe her, dress her, and comfort her for a while. Outside of our home, we will be the only ones to hold her. We won’t leave her in the nursery, and it will even be some time before we leave her with grandma and grandpa.

That doesn’t mean we don’t want you to love and enjoy her. That doesn’t mean that you can’t touch her, hug her, kiss her, or interact with her, but it does mean that you’re going to have to trust us. Please don’t be offended or disappointed when we don’t place her in your arms. We’ve spent a lot of time researching how best to help her through this incredibly tumultuous time in her little life, and believe that this is the best way…for now. In time, we will happily remove these protective barriers from her life, but we don’t know when that time will come. At this point, we don’t know Reagan any more than you do. We love her, pray for her, and hope that she will soon come to love and trust us. However, we don’t know what that process will look like, and have no idea if it will take weeks, or months, or more. So please be patient. We know you will be. You have all been so supportive and loving from the time we first decided to adopt, and we have no doubt that you will continue to support and pray for us during this time of transition. We’re going from a family of four to a family of five. Reagan is going from no family, no real home, nothing to call her own, to all the craziness that living with us will entail! So please pray for her, pray for wisdom for us, and be willing to wait just a little bit longer to hold our baby girl!

My handy-dandy Sitemeter tells me that quite a few of you are checking up on me, yet I know I’ve not been very faithful to fill you all in on what’s going on. You're not going to get much of an update now, but needless to say I’ve had just a few things to do, not the least of which is spending every possible second enjoying Alyssa and Parker. Before last Thursday I was pretty sure I had everything under control and was ready to go. Now that we actually have our tickets (yes, the FedEx man delivered them today!), I’m feeling a little less confident. I know the major stuff is done, and if the last few items on my list don’t get checked off, we’ll survive. However, the perfectionist in me wants to have every last detail wrapped up, and to leave a clean house behind too! So what am I doing tomorrow to prepare? Going to Disneyland of course! Chances of us making it back there in June are not great with a new baby at home, our annual passes are blacked-out in July and August (and who wants to go with the crowds anyway?) and Alyssa starts Kindergarten mid-August. So, the paperwork and lists can wait, the cleaning can wait... my kids need to visit the happiest place on earth! (And mommy could use the distraction too!).

My heart is still racing (I feel like I’ve been jogging non-stop since Thursday), but I am finally thinking a little more clearly. My hands aren’t shaking quite so much either. But I still don’t have much more news to report. We haven’t purchased our plane tickets yet. I hope to get the details ironed out with our travel agent this afternoon. We’re out of town at a wedding all weekend, so communication has been a little difficult. I’m actually sitting in the bathroom of our hotel room while I type, trying to preserve as much serenity as possible for the flower girl who is STILL sleeping, despite the fact that it’s almost 10 am. The miracle of blackout curtains!
It looks like we’ll be leaving for Vietnam in less than 2 weeks! Our plane will leave LA around 1 am on Friday, May 11th, and we hope to return sometime before Thursday, May 31st. I’m not sleeping much trying to process all that needs to be done between now and then. I really felt like I was prepared, but now that it’s finally happening I realize there’s still a lot to think about! I’m determined to enjoy the time though and soak up every last ounce of Alyssa and Parker before I have to say goodbye to those sweet faces and our world turns upside down forever!

My hands are shaking, my heart is racing, my mind is a big muddled mess. We finally got our travel dates!!! In just 2 weeks we’ll be leaving for Vietnam, and on Tuesday, May 15th Reagan will be ours forever!!! I’ll write again when I’m a little more calm, but couldn't wait to share our most exciting news!

When a four-year-old makes breakfast... you end up with wheat toast topped with apple butter and dried cranberries. She ate it all with no complaint, but needless to say, mama didn't ask for a taste!

Nesting again… I finally made the time to paint the stripes in Alyssa’s (and soon-to-be Reagan’s) room. I had tackled the same project in our last home and she’s been bugging me to do it ever since we moved here. For over a year now the room has been the lighter base color. It actually does have a tinge of pink in it, but Alyssa just keeps telling me, “but I can’t see it!” So when I started cutting in with the darker pink she excitedly told me “I can see now!” Later she gave me a big hug and said “I appreciate it mama.” I guess that makes all the hours of taping worth it. Dan likes it so much that he wants me to do a couple of horizontal stripes in Parker’s room. Just when I thought I was coming to the end of my list!

I told myself I wasn’t going to play this game because to me it just seems way too hard, but Cindy was so sweet about the way she tagged me that I couldn’t say no. It also requires me to reveal all the TV shows I enjoy, and some of the episodes in some of these programs are not entirely honorable. That said, please don’t consider this a blanket endorsement of any series =). So this is the way it works: I’ve selected 3 key words from the plot descriptions of 10 of my favorite TV shows past or present. Your job is to try to guess what they are. If that sounds like fun to you, I welcome you to play along. If not, don’t worry about it!

Tribes, million, reality
Global, pit stops, pairs
Central Perk, “Smelly Cat”, paleontologist
Makeover, $5000, nominated
Grissom, forensic, Las Vegas
Mode, telenovela, sweet
Family, overbearing, Barone
Missing, FBI, recovery
Branson, adventure, prize
Quiz, questions, “Daily Double”

All my griping has been for naught… our paperwork has been moving after all!!! Reagan’s dossier has been sent to Hanoi for processing, and is already on its way back to the government in her province. They’ll approve it and send it to the People’s Committee who will then set our Giving and Receiving date. Which means… we’ll soon be boarding a plane for Vietnam! We should know our travel dates within the next couple of weeks, and I think at that point I’ll finally be able to believe that we really are going to have another daughter! God is good, even when I’m struggling!

Over and over I’ve heard it said that adoption is a roller coaster of emotions, but I really wasn’t prepared for how it would feel when it was my turn to ride. Last week we were climbing up, sending away for our visas, pouring over new pictures, being assured that our paperwork would be moving on any moment. I thought this down would be the exciting climax of the ride – the last crazy loop before the finale and relief. I was sure we’d hear today that Reagan’s dossier was already in Hanoi and possibly even on its way back to her province. I was pretty sure that a Giving and Receiving date was on the horizon and we’d be making travel arrangements in the next couple of weeks. I was wrong. We received no news today. No bad news either, for which I should be grateful, but once again I’m disappointed. I’m really getting tired of this. Mondays hold such promise, but Monday nights can be so dreary. I’m ready to get off this ride. I’m ready to stop waiting. I’m ready to get my girl and get on with life.

Okay. Thanks for listening. Now I’m ready to go to bed and stop whining.

I got so excited about the new pictures of Reagan that I forgot to post Easter pictures. Here are some cute shots of the two precious gifts I enjoy each and every day.

ANOTHER new picture! This is the first one we've seen in which she hasn't had little booties on...look at those long toes! I really thought that new pictures would satisfy me for a while, but instead they have just made me even more anxious to hold that sweet girl.

Guess who is applying for visas today? Us!!! I couldn’t be more excited! No, that’s not true. I would be more excited if we were getting on a plane, or I was holding my baby girl in my arms, but I’ll take this for now. Reagan’s paperwork still hasn’t been sent to Hanoi, but our agency and our lawyer in Vietnam are sure that it will be “very soon” – probably the end of this week, or possibly the beginning of next. Most families travel about a month after that, so we’re getting close! We were told to put May 1st as the earliest entry date, which I’ll take as a sign that May travel is likely. Yeah! Off to fill out more paperwork – I’ll post more good news as soon as we get it!

Well, it’s my turn to reveal 10 odd things about me. Dan really liked this topic and was quick to point out many of my oddities. Here are a few:

(1) I always have to set my alarm to an odd number, and preferably not :15 or :45. Most mornings it’s set to 4:51 to help Dan wake up (which, incidently, is actually 4:48 – I can fool myself into waking up a few minutes early this way).
(2) I eat more than my husband. I don’t eat a ton, but he is not all that interested in food and sometimes actually forgets to eat. I, on the other hand, need a meal at least every 4 hours. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a fast metabolism, which helps explain #3.
(3) I am the hot one in the family… temperature-wise that is. Most of the time it’s the man who offers his jacket to his wife. We reverse that trend. I’ve passed the gene along to Alyssa too. She and I can happily go all winter with no more than a denim jacket, while Dan can rarely be found without his ski coat.
(4) I can drink Diet Coke (or lately, Coke Zero) at all hours of the day. I don’t drink coffee, so a can of soda provides my caffeine boost many mornings, and can happily replace dessert. I’m a little nervous about whether I’ll able to track down this favorite treat in Vietnam.
(5) I love pedicures, but have never been interested in manicures. I think my first and only manicure was for my wedding. My frugality factors into this, since they just don’t last very long. My primary reason for neglecting my nails, however, is that I’ve played piano almost daily since I was 8 years old and therefore must keep them short. A manicure doesn’t look that cute on short nails.
(6) I compulsively set the emergency brake on my SUV, but rarely hard enough to actually keep the truck from going anywhere. I often get blocks away from home before I realize that it’s on. This one drives Dan crazy, so I’m gradually kicking the habit.
(7) I lived on a moshav in college while studying the Bible in Israel. I traveled quite a bit internationally in my teen years, but it is the one place I am determined to take my family someday.
(8) I skipped the 6th grade. I was a bit of a geek in school.
(9) I drink at least a gallon of milk a week. The four of us plow through 4 gallons per grocery-store trip.
(10) My kids will attend the same high school as my mom, though I grew up 1100 miles from here. My parents met at the college Dan attended, moved away for 30 years, and only just moved back when they realized their grandkids were staying put.

That’s enough for tonight, and I’m sure enough to scare all of you. Sit down and think about it long enough and you’ll find that you’re probably quite strange too! I tag Jessica, because she is dying over there in Florida waiting for a referral, and Erin, because I think it may be the only way to get her to update her blog!

Thanks Leigh!

It seems that the mom who wrote a description of Reagan for us while she was at her orphange had her mixed up with another baby girl. This actually describes Reagan's little friend Sophie, who's just one day older. Her recollections of Reagan are as follows:

"[Reagan] was a doll baby. She, too, looks well fed and healthy. She spent a good deal of the time in one of the care-takers arms. They are so loving to the children. I had to love on her, too. I did not see her cry while we were there. She is a beautiful girl and so attentive to what's going on around her. Her parents are SO blessed to have such a precious angel."

I agree. Thanks Heather!

We'll be there soon baby girl! This picture was taken just a few weeks ago by another mom picking up her son at Reagan's orphanage. She just gets more beautiful every time I see her! News that our paperwork is moving along would be even better, but this precious snapshot will tide me over for a little while.

I thought we were doing a pretty good job of teaching Alyssa and Parker about the meaning of Easter. However, a brief conversation on Friday made me doubt whether we’ve really gotten through to them. Before we went to see grandma, I warned the children that grandma and grandpa’s dog, Roxy, had died.
To clarify, Parker asked, “Roxy died?”
“Yes Parker, Roxy died” I replied
His next question is what made me wonder (and made me laugh):
“On the cross?”

Dying eggs is fun... just a little messy. The dye seems to come out of clothes okay, but little bitty fingernails seem to be indellibly stained, just in time for celebrating Christ's resurrection. I've tried soap, nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and most everything else I can think of. Any ideas?

First of all, thank you. Though I’m still feeling a little anxious, I have been greatly encouraged by all of your sweet comments, e-mails, and most of all – prayers.

I’ve also been rebuked and strengthened by my study of Romans chapter 12. Verse 11 commands believers to not be “lagging in diligence.” One commentary explained that whatever is worth doing in the Christian life is valuable enough to be done with enthusiasm (even adoption!). Another said that this phrase is “directed against the serious problem of weariness in doing good (Galatians 6:9). If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you know how easy it is to get discouraged. It is hard to keep on steadily.” Don’t I know how true that is! Then just one verse later we are commanded to be “patient in tribulation.” While I’ve certainly never experienced the kind of tribulation Paul and so many other Christians have endured, this process is no doubt a trial. I often think about the principle found in I Peter 2:20: “When you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.” The context here is physical persecution from harsh employers. Obviously I’m not being beaten, and my trial isn’t the result of hostility, but my suffering is a direct consequence of doing good – extending mercy to an orphan. I think it’s then reasonable to conclude that God would commend my patience in the midst of this process… if only I was being patient. Something another adoptive mom wrote about months ago has stuck with me: there is a difference between waiting and being patient. She was in exactly the same stage of the process at the time, and I think I’ll always remember her call for prayers for her own patience. Just because we’ve waited so long doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve learned all the lessons God had in store for us. Which brings me back to Romans 12:12 and this final thought from my Bible study notes: “Paul adds ‘in respect to affliction be patient’ – not just resigned in some fatalistic sense, accepting what cannot be changed, but rather waiting confidently for God’s resolution of the problem, knowing that He will reward good and punish evil in His own time” (emphasis mine). I want to honor God in my wait. I want to be patient so that now and in the future I, and others, can say with certainty "God is in control and He deserves all glory for working out His best in my life."

I have to admit that today I’m a little discouraged. I long to say with confidence that NEXT month we’ll meet our daughter, but I’ve been disappointed SO many times throughout this process that I’m afraid to even hope. 20 months ago this week we sent in our initial application to our agency. That’s just WAY too long to be pregnant, even in the paper sense. I think what scares me the most is that I feel my faith in God’s timing wavering a little. In my head I know that He loves me and will accomplish His best for our family, which is always better than any plan I could orchestrate for myself. My heart, however, wonders if I’ll still be able to call that plan “good” if we don’t travel until June. We’ve already waited a week longer than all but one family who has adopted from Reagan’s province. If we don’t hear that her paperwork has moved onto Hanoi inside the next few weeks, May travel will become less and less likely. Our agency seems confident that we’ll be hearing good news soon, but they were also pretty sure we’d wait 1-3 months for a referral. We actually waited 4 ½. Compared to the wait now, we were very fortunate, but the disappointment wears on you. We have been on the long end, or past the long end, of every timeframe we’ve been given thus far. You would think I’d just accept that each successive step would follow the same pattern, but I can’t help but hope for the best.
Okay, now I’m starting to sound a bit whiney. That’s not good. I know all you adoptive moms out there will sympathize with what I’m feeling though, and I’m grateful to have this avenue for sharing what I’m sure are not uncommon thoughts. Even those of you who haven’t adopted can pray, and today I need it. I’m not even sure what to pray for anymore, so hopefully those of you godly readers will be willing to speak to God with more clarity and wisdom than I can. I want to pray, “Lord, bring her home TODAY!” I know I should pray “Lord, bring her home in Your perfect time” but I’m afraid. Afraid that His time just might be longer than my heart can bear. So for now I’ll just pray that He’ll continue to take care of her, and give me the patience to endure with more joy than I’m feeling right now.

We’re not exactly city slickers, but we’re far from country folk. However, our home is situated almost equidistant from one of the largest cities in the world and this ranch. A co-worker of Dan’s graciously invited us to his home today where the kids enjoyed some up-close time with animals slightly more exotic than grandma’s dog. Parker was nuts about the horses, chickens, goats, and donkey. He wants Buttercup (one of the miniature horses) to come stay in his room! Alyssa wasn’t quite so sure, but ask her about it now and she’ll talk a big game. We all had a great time and even got to take home some authentic ranch dust and “souvenir” chocolate bunnies!

Some of the fruits of my nesting:

I love to paint… rather I should say, I love to paint walls. Children’s play “barns” and moulding… not so much. My next painting projects involve stripes in the kids’ rooms that necessitate a lot of taping and prep (diminishing the instant-gratification factor significantly) but I am thrilled to be done with these two tasks. They both look pretty good if I do say so myself. Dan helped quite a bit with the sanding inside and rolling outside, so here’s a little credit for him!

Our garden has been sadly neglected over the last year since we moved in because we’ve been so busy on inside projects. Our home is 7 years old, but apparently the two previous owners were not much concerned about landscaping either. These little plants which I gave a home to this weekend represent the only non-builder-installed vegetation on our property. Hopefully they’ll grow quickly and cover up some of the more utilitarian elements of our front walk.

Today I’m working on sorting through Alyssa’s old clothes. I feel a little bad, but based on the boxes in front of me, I doubt that Reagan will be wearing anything new for a while. Pictures of one very full little girls’ closet coming soon!

So I’ve been thinking lately about why it is that I’m so anxious to pick up Reagan. Of course she is my daughter in so many ways, but I know it will be some time before my affection for her will rival that which I have for Alyssa and Parker. I don’t know her at all, so the love I have for her is more in my head at this point than in my heart. That isn’t to say that my heart doesn’t ache for her, or that I don’t long to hold her, but I don’t miss her in the same way I would if one of the children I already know intimately were taken from me. Is that bad? I don’t think my feelings are totally out of the ordinary. Based on what I’ve gleaned from other adoptive moms it seems that while the unconditional love one has for any of your children exists almost immediately, the emotional bond takes time.
In addition to the love factor, I’m also trying to learn to enjoy my life as it is without Reagan. I liken it to those who are overly anxious to get married. Singleness is a gift – whether you have it until age 25 or for a lifetime, it is a gift to be grateful for, not wished away. Singleness brings opportunities for service within the church and freedom that don’t exist within marriage. Not that marriage isn’t wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade Dan for the world, but I wish I been more faithful to the call to use my singleness for God’s glory. In the same way, I need to make the most of my time with only 2 children. Alyssa and Parker are such a blast! They are easy to have around, are becoming more and more independent every day, and can go just about anywhere. I know that having a baby home will change some of that. I will still be determined to get out (most) every day, but a quick stop at the grocery store will be an even more distant memory. Solid nights of sleep will be more rare. A three-hour chunk of (nap!) time each afternoon to get stuff done will no longer be all mine. We’ll be sharing our life and home with a child who doesn’t know us, our country, our habits, our smell – anything about us!

So, while I love Reagan and can’t wait to bring her home, I think I’m becoming more realistic about what that will mean for all of us. I know from experience that another child in our lives will bring unspeakable joy, but also some very real challenges. I’m learning to trust God’s timing and trust His perfect plan for our family… whatever that might be!

I started packing today. I know it’s crazy. I know it will still be a month or more before we actually get on a plane. But I had to do SOMETHING!!! I am nesting like I’ve never nested (this time I have the energy to match my drive) but all of the projects on my to-do list are either in the kids’ rooms or outside. Since it rained a little today, and my best project hours are during Alyssa and Parker’s sleeping hours, I packed. I also had a couple of hours to shop this morning without kids in tow so the corner of my closet devoted to Vietnam was overflowing. What’s amazing to me though is just how much more packing there is to do. How am I ever going to fit all this stuff into the recommended ONE bag, ONE carry-on? While I admire my agency’s optimism, that simply is not going to be a reality for us. I've barely put a dent in my shopping list thus far! You would think I had never traveled internationally before. In college I picked up and moved to Israel for almost 4 months with less than a week's notice. How can it take a month to pack for a 3-week trip? Of course I know the answer: my baby is there! I have to pass the time somehow!

... Well, now I need to edit this to say shame on me for even hinting at a complaint! I am so blessed to enjoy two precious babies every day, and a little time to prepare for another is a good thing (just not too much please Lord!). Check out this link to "Zerfoss Journey." Joe is a friend of mine from Jr. High and High School. He and his dear wife have been working towards adopting their first child domestically for almost 2 years. They found out last Monday that their profile was being presented to a birth mom, and they brought home their new son this Tuesday! Talk about a whirlwind of emotions! Somehow I doubt that her shopping list was completely checked off. So I've spoiled the ending for you, but theirs is still an incredible story and I recommend starting way back in her archives at the beginning. The testimony of their faith through both joy and heartache will undoubtedly touch your heart.

Well I just had to post this little glimpse of Reagan related to me by a mom who met her (and of course her SON!) on Wednesday:

"Little Reagan is a doll. . . and so photogenic. She just laughs all over herself. . . a very happy little girl. I told her that her mommy and daddy were coming for her. I know she is so ready, although she is getting much love at the orphanage for now. She looks really healthy and well fed. She is probably in a 6 months right now (clothing). When she smiles, she is all gums! Too cute!!"

What a treasure these little reassurances are. I just can't wait until the day when our knowledge of our daughter will not be limited to a handful of pictures and a few paragraphs of second-hand descriptions!

Spring is here. Well, not officially until Tuesday, but evidence of it abounds around here. We actually dug out the sunscreen for a trip to our favorite park yesterday and were warm in our tank tops and t-shirts. The trees in our neighbors’ yards are blooming beautifully, and this weekend we’re going to fill in our rather sparse yard with some new plants. Yeah for spring!

What an encouraging (but exhausting) week this has been! One of the highlights of our church’s year is hosting the annual Shepherd’s Conference. Pastors from around the world gather to be equipped, encouraged, and generally spoiled by our church. I can say that because I had very little to do with any of the spoiling. I did, however, have the priviledge of being on campus Thursday to witness what amounts to Disneyland for these men. Many of them come from churches that little appreciate the demands of teaching the Word of God, and this week alone is a breath of fresh air. We got to host 4 men from Texas in our home, who so overwhelmed us with their gratitude that we felt like we were the ones being served - even the resulting 9 loads of laundry felt insignificant. One of the greatest joys, however, was fellowship with a dear friend who is serving as a missionary in Croatia. Sitting here after dinner tonight, amidst almost constant laughter, he testified to the fact that his service in a foreign country is no sacrifice. Over and over again he isisted "It is no sacrifice." Sure, he is human, and there are comforts that he and his family forego living outside the United States, but they find such joy in doing the work God has called them to that it seems as if they’re giving up nothing at all. Lately Dan and I have been challenged to evaluate our financial giving to the Lord, but compared to what our friends have foregone in His service, money is nothing. If God is really going to be honored by the investment we make in His work, it must be a joy. And it is a joy. While it must be sacrificial, it is no sacrifice.

Boys are gross. The grown-up-type are gross, as any male or married female can attest, but I always assumed that must be due at least primarily to training. I was wrong. They come out of the box with a propensity towards grossness, and most it seems never grow out of it. Fortunately for mommies, the innocence of the littlest males makes their grossnesses (spell-check is telling me that’s not a word) very nearly hilarious. At least that’s true in the case of my sweet Parker. As you may remember, he’s been potty-trained for several months now. However, when you’re dealing with a male bottom, there are more issues to be dealt with than simply timing. There’s this thing called aim. Parker doesn’t yet have that part down. We’re working on it, but we have had the inevitable accidents. This is where the gross part comes in. A few days ago, I was observing as Parker did his business. Unfortunately, in the handling of the appropriate member, his fingers got a little wet. And what do you do when your fingers are dirty. Well, if you’re a two year-old boy, you lick them off. Yes, lick. Do you think an exception would be made for urine? Of course not. Do you think there would be enough hesitancy to give mom a chance to stop the offensive action? No again. Do you think the taste would cause him pause? Nope. The crazy part is that this is the boy who can’t stand to have a little sugar on his hands from a churro. Licking is out of the question when it comes to sugar. Mama must come to the rescue with a wet-wipe for that kind of dirty. But urine? No big deal. At least it’s sterile, right?

NEW PICTURES!!!

Our precious Reagan is now 4 months old, and just look how she's grown! I have to say, it really is strange to watch your child grow up in photographs. I hardly recognized her, and truly had to look at these side-by-side with her 2 month photo to assure myself that they got the right baby. Of course they did, and I do see some similarities, but she certainly has changed. I'm glad they keep sending us these updates or I'd be liable to embrace the wrong child upon arriving in Vietnam. While I love this little girl, and long to hold her, she still is so much a stranger to us. My thoughts are so often consumed with her, yet until I received these pictures today I wouldn't have been able to pick her out of a crowd. I wouldn't recognize her cry if I heard it. I no nothing of her habits, temperment, preferences... yet she's my daughter all the same. I'm encouraged to see that she's grown, but relieved to see that she's still so small. I love the little shirt she's wearing, but can't wait to see her in the outfit I bought today. I'm glad that she can't take her eyes off of this caregiver, but wish it was my face she was glued to.

NEXT month might be THE month! I am still holding out hope that we will be able to travel to Vietnam in April. Things have to start moving here pretty quickly if that is going to be the case, but I am optimistic! Supposedly, the Vietnamese return from the Tet holiday anxious to work hard and start the New Year off right. If that’s the case, the police in Reagan’s province should be wrapping up her paperwork soon, and progress like that would certainly make this mama very happy. At the very least we anticipate receiving a new picture this week or next. The director of the Vietnam program at our agency just returned from a visit to all the orphanages, and will be dolling out her photos as soon as she recovers from jet lag. It seems as if most of the families from our agency are getting very anxious for some good news, and I count myself among the antsy crowd. We’ve only been logged in for a month, but it’s been almost 3 months since our referral and I am READY to bring that baby girl home. I have started filling a corner of our closet with all that we’ll take with us. I’ve complied a very extensive packing list. I’ve purchased at least a suitcase full of orphanage donations. I've started to come to terms with the fact that I’ll be away from my bio babies for 3 weeks. I’ve resurrected all of our baby gear. I’ve reorganized our entire house (don’t think nesting is just for the physically pregnant!). Just give me the word and I’ll be out the door!

Our first "portrait" as a family of 5!

You ought to see my spreadsheet. As you may or may not know, I’m a CPA (or rather, a mostly-retired, technically “inactive” CPA), so organizing my life in Excel comes very naturally. For months and months now I’ve been tracking every little bit of info I can get my hands on about the timing of other families through this adoption process (about 70 of them at this point – and that only includes those who participate in our agency’s on-line forum). Did you know that Excel can calculate dates? Of course, our agency tries very hard to drill into our heads the fact that we really shouldn’t compare timelines. But when you’re this emotionally involved in a process (a child!) over which you have ZERO control, you are reduced to prayer and analysis. It’s embarrassing how many times I have manipulated the dates trying to figure out just when we’ll be picking up our precious girl. Add to that the complications of a wedding we’re trying to work around, my parents’ vacation plans, and my teaching schedule, and we’re looking at a very small window of “ideal” travel time. At this point, the very best case scenerio (based on past experience) would have us traveling the first week of April, while the worst case scenerio (based on past experience, plus a few weeks of extra delays for Tet) would put us on a plane the last week of May. I refuse to even think about the fact that our agency insists families should plan on a 3-6 month wait from log-in date to travel. 6 months means August, and that I just couldn’t bear. We have a lot of godly people praying for early April, so let’s hope that’s God’s will!

"The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much" - James 5:16

My heart is full, my mind is blown, my body is tired. Dan and I spent the weekend at a conference sponsored by the college group at our church – our ministry of choice for the past few years. Resolved was a weekend full of little else but fabulous music and incredible expository preaching. Over 3200 people, mostly age 22 and under, gathered to worship our God enthusiastically and with conviction. Sleeping, and even eating, was generally set aside, which says a lot if you know me at all. I’d love to say more, and perhaps someday soon I’ll post exactly how God impacted me, but a fellow blogger has said it all so much better than I could. Challies’ notes from each of the 9 sermons might as well be transcripts they’re so detailed! I’d especially recommend the content from John Piper… you can even listen to them yourself if you’d like. It was such a blessing to be surrounded by so many individuals who are committed to the truth of God’s Word, and despite the exhaustion (and being away from my kids way too much!) I’d go again next weekend if I could.

One of the moms on an adoption forum I participate in asked this question recently: Where were you when you got “the call” (informing you of your referral)? It was such a fun moment to recall that I thought I’d share it with all of you.
Though I had been on pins and needles for weeks, jumping every time the phone rang, just 2 days before THE call I had spoken with the Vietnam director at our agency who indicated it might still be a while before they would have referral for us. That said, I really wasn’t expecting such great news so soon. Friday morning, December 8th, Dan and I were sleeping in, enjoying a little time without the kids. Around 9 (remember, we're champion sleepers), the phone rang and I answered only because I saw that it was Dillon. Katie, our case manager, sensed I was a little groggy and apologized, but of course I wasn’t about to complain! She told us they had a baby girl for us! I didn’t freak out quite the way I thought I might… perhaps because I wasn’t fully awake! I quickly found paper and a pen to write down everything they knew about her. It’s a miracle any of that was legible because my hands were shaking so badly. The biggest shock was that our girl really was a BABY… only 6 weeks old at the time. We were open to a toddler and only one other infant had ever been adopted from Vietnam through our agency, so I was fully expecting to bring home at least a one-year old. (Of course it was a very pleasant surprise – I’m thrilled that we’ll miss so little of her precious life.) Well, once I hung up with Katie, I ran to shake Dan awake with the news. He was startled, excited, everything you’d expect. Together we sat in bed with our laptop and opened her picture together. Within a few minutes we had a photo order sent off to Costco so we’d be able to share her with everyone. We quickly got ready, donned the traditional Vietnamese hat one of Dan’s co-workers had brought to him, and drove over to my parents to retrieve the kids from their sleepover. It took a few minutes for my mom to understand why Dan was wearing the hat, but instantly teared up when she realized what it meant. Alyssa and Parker caught on then too, and we promptly called my sister to come over, and summoned my Dad from the golf course. Before we left, my mom took our first family “portrait”: the four of us together with Reagan’s photo. From there we tracked Dan’s mom, sister, and nieces down at Target. Parker wore the hat, and Alyssa assaulted them with the picture. One of the funniest moments came from a stranger who was in the same isle my in-laws had been shopping in. Observing all of our hugs and chatter, she quickly figured out what was happening, and came up to me saying: “I don’t know you, but I just have to give you a hug. Congratulations!” We then all went to lunch with my father-in-law to share the great news with him. It all felt so much like announcing a pregnancy, but even better in some respects. We already had a picture and name for our baby, and the hope that we’d get to meet her in less than 9 months! I really think it will be hard for Reagan to ever doubt that she was wanted, prayed for, and greatly anticipated by her ENTIRE family!

Tet isn’t so bad after all. We were repeatedly warned by our agency that progress on the adoption front would come to a screeching halt for the entire month of February. I’m thrilled to report that they were wrong! Not only has February brought us our log-in date, 2 families received referrals, and several others were given the fabulous news that they will be able to pick up their precious children in just a few short weeks! Of course we’re not waiting for any news in particular – we expect that this next step will take about 6 weeks – but it’s encouraging to hear that work is still being done, and that presumably, our paperwork is moving along too. I’m sure that everything will slow down considerably over the next couple of weeks since Tet officially starts on Sunday, but I’ve also heard that the Vietnamese tend to work harder after the New Year celebration, so maybe it will all cancel itself out. One can hope!

On an unrelated topic (kind of)... Since I don’t have any recent pictures of Reagan, I thought I’d dig through My Pictures and find some photos of our bio kids when they were 3 ½ months old. I imagine Reagan will be significantly smaller, since both Alyssa and Parker were almost twice her size at birth, but it’s fun to think about what that stage looks and acts like and try to imagine what she’s up to these days!

Alyssa

Parker

LID!!! We finally have our log-in date! That basically means that the powers that be in Hanoi have approved our paperwork and authorized the government in Reagan’s province to begin compiling her dossier. So, as of Monday, we can officially start counting down our 3-6 month wait to travel. As most of you know, I’m a little compulsive about spreadsheets and such so I’ve been diligently tracking the timeframes of other families who have adopted babies from Reagan’s orphanage through our agency. Of course, we’re not supposed to compare, but even with an extra 3 week delay for Tet we would still travel in May if we don’t end up being the worst case scenario. I’m hoping for early May! The class I teach at my alma matter will essentially be over on May 2nd, the wedding in which Dan is serving as best-man and Alyssa as flower-girl will be past, and we could still make it home in time for Parker’s 3rd birthday. I’m confident God already has it perfectly orchestrated, but it’s fun to see that we’re making progress!

And I thought our adoption journey was difficult… A dear woman and friend who teaches my Bible Study Fellowship class on Tuesdays spent the summer with her family at an orphanage in Swaziland. They taught in the school, cared for the children, and lived in conditions consistent only with a third-world country (i.e. no refrigeration, no running water, no heating/cooling, etc.). As far as they knew, it was impossible to adopt any of the children, and with their 3 biological children nearly grown, adoption was the furthest thing from their minds. That is, until shortly before they left. Their youngest daughter (who had always begged for younger siblings) had fallen in love with one little girl in particular, and they learned that they might, in fact, be allowed to adopt her. After a couple of months contemplating the decision at home, they decided to pursue adopting both her and another little girl. So in October my friend set out, alone, to pick up these children. She expected to be back by Thanksgiving. Instead, she just barely made home before Valentine’s Day. A series of heart-wrenching events delayed their paperwork, prevented them from adopting the girl they already loved, and finally led her home with a baby girl and 2 ½ year-old boy to occupy the room they had set up for two older girls. Today I saw them all for the first time, and I couldn’t contain my tears. Tears of relief for her and joy for the two children who had been left for dead. R~’s children already seemed to be bonded well (due in no small part I’m sure to the 3+ months she spent with them in their home country), and it was amazing to see this miracle of adoption unfolded before my eyes. Of course the children are very dark and R~ is very blonde, but she IS their mom – no doubt about it. What an amazing legacy they now have – to go from biological parents who cared nothing for them, to a hospital laundry room where they ate whatever they could find for themselves, to a family that sacrificed everything to give them the opportunity to live, to hear the truth of the gospel, and to be loved unconditionally. When R~ first left, I admit I was a tad jealous. Here they had just decided that adoption was God’s plan for their family, and she was already on a plane to go get their children. Of course, all of this waiting we’re doing has its own challenges, but I can confidently say now that I prefer God’s plan for us to God’s plan for her! At least I can hold the babies He’s already given me while I wait for our next one. Dan Phillips over at Pyromaniacs challenged my thinking in this regard with a recent post. He reminded me that all the requests I bring to God which have so far been answered “not yet” only seem urgent because of all the prayers He’s already answered with a “yes.” I’m only longing for Reagan’s paperwork to be processed quickly and to receive updated pictures because God’s already provided us with a referral. I have time to sit and dwell on these things because He’s answered my prayers for the health of our children, the safety of Dan at work, and faithful provision of our basic needs (and MORE!). If that were not the case, those prayers would be the most urgent. So I’m going to try to be grateful for my wait, for the “yeses” that the wait rests upon, and especially for the fact that I’m waiting in California, not Swaziland.

I had a dream last night that we finally received our log-in-date. For those of you not as familiar with adoptionese, LID is the date when the Vietnamese government first approves our paperwork and authorizes Reagan’s province to start compiling her dossier. We’ve already been waiting almost 5 weeks since our dossier was sent to Vietnam, and the family we’re hoping to travel with has been waiting almost 7. It’s supposed to take 2-6 weeks, but since when are we on the quick end of the timeframe estimates? I’m starting to get a little anxious because until we get our LID we really can’t begin the “3-6” month countdown to travel, and Tet is just around the corner. Tet is the lunar New Year celebration that basically shuts down the whole country of Vietnam for most of the month of February. According to my dream we were logged in on January 22. Somehow I think I’m probably a little too optimistic in my dreams! However, some families have been logged-in for 10 days before receiving word, so it’s possible. Unlikely, but possible. Keep praying!

Mo is dead. Just shy of one year in our home, the tenacious goldfish finally had enough. Saturday night I changed his water, Sunday morning he was gone. Maybe it was too cold for him. Maybe the new water filters didn’t agree with him. I choose the latter because that’s Dan’s department. We put off sharing this news with the kids until after church and their naps, thinking that this could be a really intense time and an opportunity to talk about what death means. We were prepared to make a quick trip to PetCo to procure Mo II. No need. Both of them shrugged it off and wondered aloud what pet they could get next time. I guess I was a tad more attached to the silly fish than they were.

Speaking of uncles, I thought I’d share a note we received from another one yesterday. F~ said:

"Hey, I was having my cup of coffee the other morning and this was the cup that comforted the cup that I was enjoying, and it reminded me of you guys. Instead of sending you the entire cup, I just cut out “the way I see it.” It too is the way I see it. So there you have it. "

Enclosed was a portion of a cardboard cup with this statement on it:

"I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart. "

I agree. And I'm grateful that our daughter will have an extended family that also recognizes what a gift adoption is. I would only add that adoption isn't just a great "alternative" for those who cannot have biological children, but also a tremendous blessing for those who choose adoption because they CAN.

Doesn’t every kid long to hang out with firemen? Well ours get to! Their Uncle P~ is proud to serve his community as a paramedic and fireman. This week he, along with the other gracious men at his station, invited us to have dinner with them. The kids were in heaven playing in the trucks and trying on the protective gear. Even just watching a movie on the firehouse TV was somehow far more special than watching the same flick at home. The firemen served us a delicious meal, and even welcomed some dear friends of ours who are missionaries in South Africa. The highlight, however, had to be a ride on the engine itself, complete with lights and sirens! Each of the men worked hard at convincing us that they love to have families visit, so I have a feeling we’ll be back soon!

I now officially have normal kids. Dan and I are champion sleepers. Alyssa and Parker, therefore, by nature are champion sleepers. We have been incredibly spoiled as parents. Alyssa slept through the night (as in 12 hours!) from the 2nd week on, and Parker was right behind her with 10 hours by the 4th week. They still each take an afternoon nap of 2 ½ - 3 hours. But as of the last few weeks they have become normal in this sense: no matter when they go to bed, they wake up at the same time. Granted, that time is 7 am (not the requisite dawn of most) but if you’ll notice the time stamp on this post, I am very much a night owl. 7 am comes early for me. We used to be able to keep them up until 9, 10’o clock if our evening plans required, knowing that whatever sleep they missed would be caught up the next morning. No longer do we have that luxury. I know I really shouldn’t complain. I have been incredibly blessed, and in many ways this is great prep for the day when a new baby (who likely doesn’t have the “great sleeper” genes) will interrupt my tidy life. It’s also an opportunity to prepare for the sad day when Alyssa starts kindergarten. But when you’ve enjoyed something so luxurious for so long, it’s hard to say good-bye!

So it’s pretty funny that my last post was about our fabulous weather because today we got snow! Not the light fluffy stuff that sticks, but something closer to real snow than anything else we’ve had in the 11 years I’ve lived here. Of course, it only lasted about 15 minutes at our house, but that was long enough for the kids to take a quick run around in it (in their pajamas because we didn’t know how long it would stay around), eat a little, and snap a few pictures. We later stopped by the college where I’m an adjunct professor and found a little more to play in. Alyssa and Parker loved it, but I don’t think they quite grasped the fact that this may be the last time they ever see white stuff in their backyard!

One more reason we love where we live! These pictures were taken a couple of weeks ago, but even though it's now cold by southern California standards, it is still warm enough to play outside without a snowsuit. We're also only 4 hours away from our favorite world-class ski resort, Mammoth, so don't think we're cheating our children by keeping them away from snow! My heart goes out to all you blog-friends who are suffering through such extreme weather... I will appreciate my hassle-free drive to Target today even more because of you.

Another precious bit of information came today from Casey who was recently at Reagan’s orphanage picking up her own sweet girl. Here is what she said:

I can tell you that I spent more time holding your baby than any other child at the orphanage besides Olivia… She was so so tiny and still had her umbilical stump. I didn't think she could be more than a couple of weeks old. She was so very little. The nanny's take very very good care of the babies. They obviously can't hold them all the time, but they swing their little bassinettes almost constantly. Your little girl was absolutely perfect and precious. I'm glad I was able to give her some hugs and love while she waits for you!

I can’t begin to express what a joy it is to hear that she is being loved, and especially that she’s been held by someone I “know.” It sounds like she might even be a little spoiled! Another mom also wrote to say that the babies stay in those bassinettes until they’re a year, so we’ll probably need to get a swing! I’m just relieved that Reagan, Lord-willing, will never have to sleep on those wood slats. Praise God for my “absolutely perfect and precious” girl, for the care He is ultimately providing for her, and for these little confirmations of His generosity toward her and us.

A sweet surprise! Today we received another picture of our little Reagan! It was taken November 19th by another family traveling to pick up their daughter. We are immensely grateful for this glimpse into Reagan’s life. I had thought she was sleeping in more of a wooden crate structure with no mattress or blanket, but apparently those are the toddler beds – the infants are coddled a little more and get real blankets and pillows! Again, I’m reassured that while the orphanage is quite poor, the care for these precious ones is quite tender. Reagan looks very clean (as does her bedding) and comfortable – and still VERY tiny! Look at that little elbow! I’m so anxious to see what she actually looks like. Every picture we have is so different from the others that I wonder if I’ll even recognize her when we meet for the first time. I wonder what she looks like when she’s happy, when she’s upset, drinking her bottle, playing… Does she smile yet? Does she chew on her hand or cross her legs? Does she like to take a bath? Does she eat fast or slow? So many things that you know intuitively about your biological children, but I have no clue about. She is every bit my daughter, but still very much a stranger to me. I wonder when that will change. I’m prepared for the possibility that those feelings won’t be transformed the moment I first see her, but I hope that it will be sooner rather than later.

I just thought I’d share with you a small victory from our home. Though not earth shattering, and maybe a little too personal for a blog, it’s a big step for us. Are you ready? Parker is potty trained! Personally I’m quite proud and equally shocked. He only just turned 2 ½ and I’d always heard how much harder it is to train a boy. With that in mind, I hadn’t planned on even starting the process until he was at least three. Several weeks ago, however, he moved into a new Sunday school room, and the teacher there asked if we could put him in a pull-up since they don’t have a changing table. The next day we tried it out at home, he loved it, and basically potty-trained himself from that day forward. He’s now dry most every night, and I can even trust him to wear big boy undies when we go out! The only real drawback is that he’s the narrowest little guy ever and if his pants were falling down with a diaper to add bulk, just imagine what it’s like now! He still wears 6-12 month and 12-18 month clothing at 24 months old. Height-wise he’s normal, but he’s barely on the growth charts for weight – a combo that destines him to wear a tight-cinching belt with every outfit. I wish you could see him in his new get-up, but for propriety’s sake I will refrain. Just know that there’s nothing cuter than a tiny little boy in a white t-shirt and Mr. Incredible briefs!

DTV! Our dossier is finally on its way to Vietnam! The Secretary of State returned the problem documents (medical approval from our doctors) to our agency, Dillon over-nighted them to us, I tracked down the notary who had made the mistakes, he corrected them, I returned the documents to the Secretary of State, they authenticated them and forwarded them to the Vietnam consulate. The consulate approved them, sent them back to our agency, and the medicals, together with the rest of our dossier, are actually now ready to be translated! The error that precipitated all this mess? Two lines which were filled in “November 22” instead of “November 22, 2006.” Never mind that both pages had the complete date in two other places! There’s no way you could look at either document and draw any other conclusion than that they were signed on 11/22/06. Proof positive that the Secretary of State of California really is the pickiest! The seeming insignificance of the error just leads me to believe that it had to be the hand of God. He clearly has a purpose in the delay, and though I may never know what it is, I am grateful to have a God Who’s plan is even better than mine. I’ve long been encouraged by the promise of Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” He is the perfect provider and protector, and as long as I’m careful to live a life pleasing to Him, He’ll never withhold something that would be good for me. That means that complete paperwork would not have been good for me two weeks ago when the other families’ dossiers were sent off. That means that having Reagan home now is not the best thing. So while it’s frustrating to be held up by such silly things, and heartbreaking to know that our little girl is growing up without us, I am confident that God’s plan is perfect and someday I’ll look back in awe of His orchestration of these events for my good and His glory. Somebody just remind me of that in April when my confidence will likely be waning!

Remember me telling you about how wonderful my parents are? Well they’re even better than I thought. They won’t accept thank you notes, so I’m going to post my gratitude here for all the world to see! Christmas day they showered us with gifts, as usual. But about half way through dinner they insisted that we all stop eating because they couldn’t wait for us to open our last packages. We then proceeded to unwrap what was one of the most incredible gifts I’ve ever received. They gave us (or rather, me) a treasured bracelet. It's an object so special to them that at first I couldn’t even imagine accepting it. We tried to give it back, but my parents were positively giddy about the idea of relinquishing it. They continued to insist that they would enjoy it more if we owned it than if they did. My brother-in-law was actually convinced that my parents must be dying – why else would they be willing to give something like this up? The answer is that they are truly the most generous people I have ever known. I feel downright miserly in comparison. Their treasure is in heaven and they ACT like it. For me it was so convicting to see how lightly they hold onto the things of this world, and how much joy they found in the pleasure of others. I’ve been challenged lately about what it means to be a joyful giver, and specifically what it means to send your treasure on ahead, through a little book I would highly recommend called The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn. I am blessed, though, to not just own a great book on the subject, but to have two living examples not 3 miles away! So thanks Mom and Dad. Not just for my exquisite gift, but for your lives.

Having children, both biological and now adopted, has given me insight into certain truths of Scripture that I’ve never even thought about before. Lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that Mary worshipped her son. I’m often tempted to worship my children by making them more important than my relationship with God, or by admiring their qualities without giving honor to their Maker. Of course the desire of my heart is to honor God above all else, but practically, my three little blessings can distract me from Him if I’m not careful. Mary was free from that temptation because her son really was her Lord. What a feeling that must have been, to cuddle, tickle, feed and stare at the face of God! Amazing to think that by admiring and being absorbed in, and completely falling in love with her child, she was actually worshipping her Savior. Luke 1:47 records Mary’s feelings in her words: “And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.” I’m sure she would be appalled to know how many people today worship her as the way to God. Clearly she recognized Jesus as “the way, the truth and the life” and that no one could “come to the Father except through [Him]” (John 14:6), because even after His death, resurrection and ascension, Mary continued to identify with the true believers (Acts 1:14). Her love for Christ was not just the affection of a mother for her baby boy, it was the love of a heart saved from sin and transformed by His grace. My prayer is that I (and you!) can also learn to love the baby of Christmas as Mary did. That we might not leave Him there in the manger, but instead might declare what Simeon did when he looked at the infant Christ: “my eyes have seen Your salvation which You have prepared before the face of all peoples” (Luke 2:30).

Good news and bad news. The good news is we received a new picture of Reagan today! I’m not sure exactly when it was taken but she already looks so much bigger! Her little arms and legs have really filled out and we can finally see her hands. All of the families who have traveled to her orphanage thus far have mentioned they were very impressed with the care the children receive, but it’s reassuring to see for ourselves that our baby seems to be thriving.
The bad news is that there is a problem with our paperwork. Back in May we each had a physical, and later came back with a notary to have medical clearance letters signed and notarized. Unfortunately those letters expire next week and there’s no way they’ll be translated and “logged in” at the Vietnamese Dept of International Adoption before then. In anticipation of this problem we went through the whole process again in November – new exam, new notary, new letters – which is a bit tricky considering Dan and I have different doctors, neither of them have a notary in the building, each require a real appointment to sign the letters, and traveling notaries are expensive! But we got it all done and sent in to the Secretary of State in early December. They should have been returned by now, so our agency checked into it and determined that the letters would be rejected because our notary neglected to fill in the dates properly! They probably won’t be able to start processing the rest of our dossier until those letters are fixed, authenticated by the Secretary of State of California (which, by the way, is apparently the worst one of the 50 to work with), consularized by the Vietnamese consulate in San Fransisco, approved by our agency in Tulsa, and then finally forwarded to Vietnam. When all is said and done, this will probably set us back at least two weeks.

Okay, reading back over what I just wrote I imagine you’re probably all bored and overwhelmed with way too much information. Let’s just sum it up by saying, please pray that this will all get worked out quickly, that the translation process can be expedited, and that we’ll be able to catch up to the other two families we hope to be able to travel with. Maybe too this has given you a little glimpse into what we all go through to get these babies home! Thanks in advance for your prayers, and enjoy the new photo of our little peanut!

And the name is... Reagan! After much debate and much time convincing a very determined four-year-old that it IS a girl name, we have finally decided on Reagan Van-Thao ~. Alyssa was determined to name her Kiara and insisted that even if we decided to give her a different name she would still call her Kiara. She wasn't actually defiant about it, just resolved in a pretty cute way. Already she is so protective of and excited about her new sister. One of the first things we did upon receiving our referral was to upload Reagan’s picture to Costco and have about 2 dozen copies printed. Immediately after we picked them up, Alyssa asked for her copy and tape and promptly taped it to the wall next to her bed. She also has a wallet-sized copy and shows her sister to everyone! Parker also, though only 2 ½, knows that he’s a big brother and talks about his little sister all the time. I’m sure at some point they’re going to start to wonder if this is really going to happen, but at least now they have a face to love on!

Yesterday we signed our official acceptance papers! Of course I was determined to get them completed and returned the same day, but that proved to be quite a feat considering I didn’t get home to see the instructions until 1:30, Dan was at work which is 35 minutes away, the package needed to include a thoughtful letter to the orphanage director, everything had to be notarized in triplicate and the post office’s cut-off time is 4pm. By God’s grace we got it all together, and though I missed the 4 o’clock deadline by 18 minutes, the express mail carrier was still there and took it anyway. Needless to say I had a stress headache by the time I finally in the car to drive home in LA’s rush-hour traffic.

This post, however, is really about the amazing mother that I have. When I called her at 1:30 she dropped everything, came over with my dad, helped me fill out some of the paperwork, and stayed with the kids while they were sleeping so I didn’t have to drag 2 nap-less kids to the notary with me. And that is so typical of both my parents and my in-laws. All of them will gladly set aside whatever is on their agendas to be with our kids. But what she left behind at our house yesterday is what has me in tears here over how wonderful she is. Sitting in front of me is a journal she has made for our new daughter. From the day we first told my parents we were going to pursue adoption, she has secretly and lovingly documented each step of the way. Included are photographs of important people and events, commentary on each little bit of adoption news, related newspaper articles, posts from our agency’s adoption forum – everything you could think of, and details I’ve forgotten – ending with our first family “portrait” from Friday after we told her the fabulous news. I put off reading it until naptime this afternoon. Dan read it last night and he was nearly in tears, so I knew I couldn’t start until I could be alone for a while. It is a treasure not only because of its value as a keepsake for our daughter, but also because of the depth of her love revealed in it. I knew that I could love a baby not born to me, but its so comforting to be assured of the love already growing the hearts of those around us for this precious baby girl. Love that existed long before our daughter was even conceived! An added blessing will be that my parents are planning on traveling with us to Vietnam so they’ll get to share in that incredible moment when we see their newest granddaughter’s face for the first time in person. God is so gracious to have given me such an incredible family all the way around!

Here's another attempt to post a picture of our precious baby girl. I know it's so small and so grainy but it's the only one we have. I thought that perhaps if I cropped it down to just her face you could get a better idea what she looks like. Our agency is going to try to get another picture for us soon, but their offices in Vietnam are quite some distance from her orphanage so I imagine the updates will be few and far between. We'll take what we can get! The funny thing is, for the millions of times I know I will examine this photo between now and the day we finally hold her in our arms, she won't look like this at all by the time that day comes. I will just treasure every piece I can collect from her life before she's finally ours and guard each one carefully until I can pass them on to her someday.

Our daughter now has a face, but no longer has a name. Of course she has a Vietnamese name, part of which we’ll use as her middle name, but we want to give her an American first name. For 16 months we’ve been calling her Savannah. We agreed on that name almost immediately after we decided to adopt a little girl and you’ll notice that it still appears in my profile to your left. However, now that this is all starting to feel very real, Savannah just doesn’t seem quite right. Naming someone is a big chore! A privilege, but a weighty one, and making the choice together with a man and a very opinionated 4 year-old is proving difficult. Alyssa has begun informing God in her every prayer regarding her sister that we’re going to be changing her name. Just in case God gets confused! I’m feeling pressure to name her now in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. My deadline before last Friday was to have a name by the time we picked her up, but now that we know who she is and know that she’s born, it seems quite sad to me that she’s still nameless. So we’re open to suggestions! On the short list right now are Reagan and Ashlyn. What do you think?!

While it may seem like our wait is over, we are really just starting a different kind of wait. In some ways this part will be harder - our girl will be growing up without us - but in other ways I imagine it will be easier - at least there's a goal in sight and some assurance that this really is going to happen. Since many of you have already asked why we can't just go pick her up now, following is an exerpt from a letter our agency sent us a while back.

After a referral of a child has been accepted and the family has returned the paperwork to Dillon, we will prepare the acceptance documents to be sent to Vietnam. The following is an outline of what occurs once your paperwork arrives in Vietnam:

Your dossier and acceptance papers are sent to Ho Chi Minh City to our attorney, Thomas. When Thomas receives your dossier, he will forward it to a translator. The translation process can take 1-3 weeks.

After your dossier has completed the translation process, Thomas will send it to the
International Adoption Department (IAD) in Ha Noi. The IAD will review your dossier, and, if they are satisfied with all the documents, they will give your dossier a log-in date. You can estimate you will travel within 3-6 months of this log-in date.

After the IAD has given your dossier a log-in date, they will send a letter to your child’s province requesting that the Local Justice Department begin compiling your child’s legal documents, which is also called the child’s dossier. This process can take up to 30 business days.

Once the IAD in Ha Noi receives your child’s dossier, they will review your child’s dossier and your dossier. After they are satisfied with all the dossier documents, they will forward your family's dossier and the child's dossier back to your child’s Local Justice Department in your child’s province.

When the Local Justice Department in your child’s province receives your dossier and your child’s dossier, they will forward the dossier documents to the People’s Committee and then the People’s Committee will set a date and time for the Giving and Receiving Ceremony.

Families should have approximately two weeks notice before travel.

Please remember that due to this being a new and evolving program, the process and timeframes outlined above can change without notice.

So all that to say, though we're overwhelmingly grateful for this early Christmas gift, we won't get to enjoy her fully until at least Easter! In the meantime please pray with us that everything will go smoothly throughout this process and that we'll see our girl sooner rather than later.

Today is THE day! The day we have been praying for! The day we got the fabulous phone call we’ve been waiting so many months for! Today we were introduced to our DAUGHTER! She is a precious little thing, only 6 weeks old, and only 5 ½ pounds. Our biological children were over 8 ½ lbs and 7 ½ lbs respectively at birth, so I can’t even imagine what such a tiny baby would feel like. Of course she’ll grow quite a bit between now and the time we meet her in person, but I think we’ll probably still get to reuse all of Alyssa’s clothes – even the tiniest things! For some reason I was just sure that we’d be bringing home a toddler, so to think that we have an infant – well it’s just better than I could have imagined. God is so good! The funny thing is, the last few days I’ve really been meditating on the fact that God is good all the time. He’s not any more or less good based on my experience, and I can praise Him for His goodness no matter the circumstance. But I have to say that I am more in awe of His grace in my life today that I was yesterday! He even answered my prayers that our daughter would have a known birthday (not just an assumed one), a real birth certificate, and that she would be relinquished (not abandoned). I really am overwhelmed! I’ll post more later (in fact, you’re unlikely to read of anything else here for a while) but for now I need to stop and enjoy the two precious babies that are already in our home!

We had sick kiddos this weekend. Nothing major and they’re both now fully recovered, so I can post just how adorable they are when they’re under the weather. Normally they are both way to busy to cuddle, so a willingness to sit is my first indication that something is wrong. Cleaning up the inevitable results of the flu is not fun, and I feel so sorry for them, but I do cherish the opportunity to baby them a little. Here they are, comforting each other on the couch, fully engrossed in Curious George – a rare treat reserved for sick days.

I’m not an animal person. Never have been… probably never will be. It’s not that I’m afraid, or don’t think most pets are pretty cute, but they’re generally either dirty or require a ton of work to keep them from being so. The only possible exception is a cat but my husband is allergic so that’s out. I know most of you out there will disagree. Many of you will think that I’m depriving my children by not giving them a furry pet, but you don’t have to clean up after it. All of that said, however, my sister bought the kids a fish last February. She was babysitting for the evening and Alyssa convinced her that we needed a pet. The kids’ first choice was an elephant, followed by a giraffe, but finally decided that a fish was better than nothing. I was okay with that little surprise because I figured it would be dead within the week. Boy was I was wrong. Here it is now December and Mo is as alive as ever. Since when do goldfish live 10 months?! Even Pecadillo, a friend of ours and son of Pyromaniac, who used to maintain fish tanks for a living, is amazed that we're still nurturing the original Mo. A few weeks ago, however, we had a close call. I came home one afternoon to find Mo floating at the top of the fishbowl. A friend called just moments later and we discussed just what you do when a fish dies during naptime. Do you call said sister and have her bring a replacement fish before the kids wake up? Or do you plunge into that conversation on death with a 2 ½ and 4 year-old? Fortunately I didn’t have to answer that question because thanks to the miracle of the internet I discovered that our fish likely had swim bladder disease and he was floating because he had too much gas in his stomach. The cure? A frozen pea. Yes, a pea. So I thawed and squished the pea, fed it to Mo, and a few hours later he was swimming as normal. In the weeks since the first incident he has floated to the top several more times, but I finally purchased a higher quality fish food ($3 for a 6-month supply vs. $1.50) and he now seems to be cured! I feel rather ridiculous going to all this effort for a fish, but after 10 months you actually get a little attached! Good news is, Alyssa has discerned that Mo has been sick and already knows what pet she wants when Mo dies – a mouse!