I got so excited about the new pictures of Reagan that I forgot to post Easter pictures. Here are some cute shots of the two precious gifts I enjoy each and every day.

ANOTHER new picture! This is the first one we've seen in which she hasn't had little booties on...look at those long toes! I really thought that new pictures would satisfy me for a while, but instead they have just made me even more anxious to hold that sweet girl.

Guess who is applying for visas today? Us!!! I couldn’t be more excited! No, that’s not true. I would be more excited if we were getting on a plane, or I was holding my baby girl in my arms, but I’ll take this for now. Reagan’s paperwork still hasn’t been sent to Hanoi, but our agency and our lawyer in Vietnam are sure that it will be “very soon” – probably the end of this week, or possibly the beginning of next. Most families travel about a month after that, so we’re getting close! We were told to put May 1st as the earliest entry date, which I’ll take as a sign that May travel is likely. Yeah! Off to fill out more paperwork – I’ll post more good news as soon as we get it!

Well, it’s my turn to reveal 10 odd things about me. Dan really liked this topic and was quick to point out many of my oddities. Here are a few:

(1) I always have to set my alarm to an odd number, and preferably not :15 or :45. Most mornings it’s set to 4:51 to help Dan wake up (which, incidently, is actually 4:48 – I can fool myself into waking up a few minutes early this way).
(2) I eat more than my husband. I don’t eat a ton, but he is not all that interested in food and sometimes actually forgets to eat. I, on the other hand, need a meal at least every 4 hours. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a fast metabolism, which helps explain #3.
(3) I am the hot one in the family… temperature-wise that is. Most of the time it’s the man who offers his jacket to his wife. We reverse that trend. I’ve passed the gene along to Alyssa too. She and I can happily go all winter with no more than a denim jacket, while Dan can rarely be found without his ski coat.
(4) I can drink Diet Coke (or lately, Coke Zero) at all hours of the day. I don’t drink coffee, so a can of soda provides my caffeine boost many mornings, and can happily replace dessert. I’m a little nervous about whether I’ll able to track down this favorite treat in Vietnam.
(5) I love pedicures, but have never been interested in manicures. I think my first and only manicure was for my wedding. My frugality factors into this, since they just don’t last very long. My primary reason for neglecting my nails, however, is that I’ve played piano almost daily since I was 8 years old and therefore must keep them short. A manicure doesn’t look that cute on short nails.
(6) I compulsively set the emergency brake on my SUV, but rarely hard enough to actually keep the truck from going anywhere. I often get blocks away from home before I realize that it’s on. This one drives Dan crazy, so I’m gradually kicking the habit.
(7) I lived on a moshav in college while studying the Bible in Israel. I traveled quite a bit internationally in my teen years, but it is the one place I am determined to take my family someday.
(8) I skipped the 6th grade. I was a bit of a geek in school.
(9) I drink at least a gallon of milk a week. The four of us plow through 4 gallons per grocery-store trip.
(10) My kids will attend the same high school as my mom, though I grew up 1100 miles from here. My parents met at the college Dan attended, moved away for 30 years, and only just moved back when they realized their grandkids were staying put.

That’s enough for tonight, and I’m sure enough to scare all of you. Sit down and think about it long enough and you’ll find that you’re probably quite strange too! I tag Jessica, because she is dying over there in Florida waiting for a referral, and Erin, because I think it may be the only way to get her to update her blog!

Thanks Leigh!

It seems that the mom who wrote a description of Reagan for us while she was at her orphange had her mixed up with another baby girl. This actually describes Reagan's little friend Sophie, who's just one day older. Her recollections of Reagan are as follows:

"[Reagan] was a doll baby. She, too, looks well fed and healthy. She spent a good deal of the time in one of the care-takers arms. They are so loving to the children. I had to love on her, too. I did not see her cry while we were there. She is a beautiful girl and so attentive to what's going on around her. Her parents are SO blessed to have such a precious angel."

I agree. Thanks Heather!

We'll be there soon baby girl! This picture was taken just a few weeks ago by another mom picking up her son at Reagan's orphanage. She just gets more beautiful every time I see her! News that our paperwork is moving along would be even better, but this precious snapshot will tide me over for a little while.

I thought we were doing a pretty good job of teaching Alyssa and Parker about the meaning of Easter. However, a brief conversation on Friday made me doubt whether we’ve really gotten through to them. Before we went to see grandma, I warned the children that grandma and grandpa’s dog, Roxy, had died.
To clarify, Parker asked, “Roxy died?”
“Yes Parker, Roxy died” I replied
His next question is what made me wonder (and made me laugh):
“On the cross?”

Dying eggs is fun... just a little messy. The dye seems to come out of clothes okay, but little bitty fingernails seem to be indellibly stained, just in time for celebrating Christ's resurrection. I've tried soap, nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and most everything else I can think of. Any ideas?

First of all, thank you. Though I’m still feeling a little anxious, I have been greatly encouraged by all of your sweet comments, e-mails, and most of all – prayers.

I’ve also been rebuked and strengthened by my study of Romans chapter 12. Verse 11 commands believers to not be “lagging in diligence.” One commentary explained that whatever is worth doing in the Christian life is valuable enough to be done with enthusiasm (even adoption!). Another said that this phrase is “directed against the serious problem of weariness in doing good (Galatians 6:9). If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you know how easy it is to get discouraged. It is hard to keep on steadily.” Don’t I know how true that is! Then just one verse later we are commanded to be “patient in tribulation.” While I’ve certainly never experienced the kind of tribulation Paul and so many other Christians have endured, this process is no doubt a trial. I often think about the principle found in I Peter 2:20: “When you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.” The context here is physical persecution from harsh employers. Obviously I’m not being beaten, and my trial isn’t the result of hostility, but my suffering is a direct consequence of doing good – extending mercy to an orphan. I think it’s then reasonable to conclude that God would commend my patience in the midst of this process… if only I was being patient. Something another adoptive mom wrote about months ago has stuck with me: there is a difference between waiting and being patient. She was in exactly the same stage of the process at the time, and I think I’ll always remember her call for prayers for her own patience. Just because we’ve waited so long doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve learned all the lessons God had in store for us. Which brings me back to Romans 12:12 and this final thought from my Bible study notes: “Paul adds ‘in respect to affliction be patient’ – not just resigned in some fatalistic sense, accepting what cannot be changed, but rather waiting confidently for God’s resolution of the problem, knowing that He will reward good and punish evil in His own time” (emphasis mine). I want to honor God in my wait. I want to be patient so that now and in the future I, and others, can say with certainty "God is in control and He deserves all glory for working out His best in my life."

I have to admit that today I’m a little discouraged. I long to say with confidence that NEXT month we’ll meet our daughter, but I’ve been disappointed SO many times throughout this process that I’m afraid to even hope. 20 months ago this week we sent in our initial application to our agency. That’s just WAY too long to be pregnant, even in the paper sense. I think what scares me the most is that I feel my faith in God’s timing wavering a little. In my head I know that He loves me and will accomplish His best for our family, which is always better than any plan I could orchestrate for myself. My heart, however, wonders if I’ll still be able to call that plan “good” if we don’t travel until June. We’ve already waited a week longer than all but one family who has adopted from Reagan’s province. If we don’t hear that her paperwork has moved onto Hanoi inside the next few weeks, May travel will become less and less likely. Our agency seems confident that we’ll be hearing good news soon, but they were also pretty sure we’d wait 1-3 months for a referral. We actually waited 4 ½. Compared to the wait now, we were very fortunate, but the disappointment wears on you. We have been on the long end, or past the long end, of every timeframe we’ve been given thus far. You would think I’d just accept that each successive step would follow the same pattern, but I can’t help but hope for the best.
Okay, now I’m starting to sound a bit whiney. That’s not good. I know all you adoptive moms out there will sympathize with what I’m feeling though, and I’m grateful to have this avenue for sharing what I’m sure are not uncommon thoughts. Even those of you who haven’t adopted can pray, and today I need it. I’m not even sure what to pray for anymore, so hopefully those of you godly readers will be willing to speak to God with more clarity and wisdom than I can. I want to pray, “Lord, bring her home TODAY!” I know I should pray “Lord, bring her home in Your perfect time” but I’m afraid. Afraid that His time just might be longer than my heart can bear. So for now I’ll just pray that He’ll continue to take care of her, and give me the patience to endure with more joy than I’m feeling right now.

We’re not exactly city slickers, but we’re far from country folk. However, our home is situated almost equidistant from one of the largest cities in the world and this ranch. A co-worker of Dan’s graciously invited us to his home today where the kids enjoyed some up-close time with animals slightly more exotic than grandma’s dog. Parker was nuts about the horses, chickens, goats, and donkey. He wants Buttercup (one of the miniature horses) to come stay in his room! Alyssa wasn’t quite so sure, but ask her about it now and she’ll talk a big game. We all had a great time and even got to take home some authentic ranch dust and “souvenir” chocolate bunnies!

Some of the fruits of my nesting:

I love to paint… rather I should say, I love to paint walls. Children’s play “barns” and moulding… not so much. My next painting projects involve stripes in the kids’ rooms that necessitate a lot of taping and prep (diminishing the instant-gratification factor significantly) but I am thrilled to be done with these two tasks. They both look pretty good if I do say so myself. Dan helped quite a bit with the sanding inside and rolling outside, so here’s a little credit for him!

Our garden has been sadly neglected over the last year since we moved in because we’ve been so busy on inside projects. Our home is 7 years old, but apparently the two previous owners were not much concerned about landscaping either. These little plants which I gave a home to this weekend represent the only non-builder-installed vegetation on our property. Hopefully they’ll grow quickly and cover up some of the more utilitarian elements of our front walk.

Today I’m working on sorting through Alyssa’s old clothes. I feel a little bad, but based on the boxes in front of me, I doubt that Reagan will be wearing anything new for a while. Pictures of one very full little girls’ closet coming soon!

So I’ve been thinking lately about why it is that I’m so anxious to pick up Reagan. Of course she is my daughter in so many ways, but I know it will be some time before my affection for her will rival that which I have for Alyssa and Parker. I don’t know her at all, so the love I have for her is more in my head at this point than in my heart. That isn’t to say that my heart doesn’t ache for her, or that I don’t long to hold her, but I don’t miss her in the same way I would if one of the children I already know intimately were taken from me. Is that bad? I don’t think my feelings are totally out of the ordinary. Based on what I’ve gleaned from other adoptive moms it seems that while the unconditional love one has for any of your children exists almost immediately, the emotional bond takes time.
In addition to the love factor, I’m also trying to learn to enjoy my life as it is without Reagan. I liken it to those who are overly anxious to get married. Singleness is a gift – whether you have it until age 25 or for a lifetime, it is a gift to be grateful for, not wished away. Singleness brings opportunities for service within the church and freedom that don’t exist within marriage. Not that marriage isn’t wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade Dan for the world, but I wish I been more faithful to the call to use my singleness for God’s glory. In the same way, I need to make the most of my time with only 2 children. Alyssa and Parker are such a blast! They are easy to have around, are becoming more and more independent every day, and can go just about anywhere. I know that having a baby home will change some of that. I will still be determined to get out (most) every day, but a quick stop at the grocery store will be an even more distant memory. Solid nights of sleep will be more rare. A three-hour chunk of (nap!) time each afternoon to get stuff done will no longer be all mine. We’ll be sharing our life and home with a child who doesn’t know us, our country, our habits, our smell – anything about us!

So, while I love Reagan and can’t wait to bring her home, I think I’m becoming more realistic about what that will mean for all of us. I know from experience that another child in our lives will bring unspeakable joy, but also some very real challenges. I’m learning to trust God’s timing and trust His perfect plan for our family… whatever that might be!

I started packing today. I know it’s crazy. I know it will still be a month or more before we actually get on a plane. But I had to do SOMETHING!!! I am nesting like I’ve never nested (this time I have the energy to match my drive) but all of the projects on my to-do list are either in the kids’ rooms or outside. Since it rained a little today, and my best project hours are during Alyssa and Parker’s sleeping hours, I packed. I also had a couple of hours to shop this morning without kids in tow so the corner of my closet devoted to Vietnam was overflowing. What’s amazing to me though is just how much more packing there is to do. How am I ever going to fit all this stuff into the recommended ONE bag, ONE carry-on? While I admire my agency’s optimism, that simply is not going to be a reality for us. I've barely put a dent in my shopping list thus far! You would think I had never traveled internationally before. In college I picked up and moved to Israel for almost 4 months with less than a week's notice. How can it take a month to pack for a 3-week trip? Of course I know the answer: my baby is there! I have to pass the time somehow!

... Well, now I need to edit this to say shame on me for even hinting at a complaint! I am so blessed to enjoy two precious babies every day, and a little time to prepare for another is a good thing (just not too much please Lord!). Check out this link to "Zerfoss Journey." Joe is a friend of mine from Jr. High and High School. He and his dear wife have been working towards adopting their first child domestically for almost 2 years. They found out last Monday that their profile was being presented to a birth mom, and they brought home their new son this Tuesday! Talk about a whirlwind of emotions! Somehow I doubt that her shopping list was completely checked off. So I've spoiled the ending for you, but theirs is still an incredible story and I recommend starting way back in her archives at the beginning. The testimony of their faith through both joy and heartache will undoubtedly touch your heart.

Well I just had to post this little glimpse of Reagan related to me by a mom who met her (and of course her SON!) on Wednesday:

"Little Reagan is a doll. . . and so photogenic. She just laughs all over herself. . . a very happy little girl. I told her that her mommy and daddy were coming for her. I know she is so ready, although she is getting much love at the orphanage for now. She looks really healthy and well fed. She is probably in a 6 months right now (clothing). When she smiles, she is all gums! Too cute!!"

What a treasure these little reassurances are. I just can't wait until the day when our knowledge of our daughter will not be limited to a handful of pictures and a few paragraphs of second-hand descriptions!

Spring is here. Well, not officially until Tuesday, but evidence of it abounds around here. We actually dug out the sunscreen for a trip to our favorite park yesterday and were warm in our tank tops and t-shirts. The trees in our neighbors’ yards are blooming beautifully, and this weekend we’re going to fill in our rather sparse yard with some new plants. Yeah for spring!

What an encouraging (but exhausting) week this has been! One of the highlights of our church’s year is hosting the annual Shepherd’s Conference. Pastors from around the world gather to be equipped, encouraged, and generally spoiled by our church. I can say that because I had very little to do with any of the spoiling. I did, however, have the priviledge of being on campus Thursday to witness what amounts to Disneyland for these men. Many of them come from churches that little appreciate the demands of teaching the Word of God, and this week alone is a breath of fresh air. We got to host 4 men from Texas in our home, who so overwhelmed us with their gratitude that we felt like we were the ones being served - even the resulting 9 loads of laundry felt insignificant. One of the greatest joys, however, was fellowship with a dear friend who is serving as a missionary in Croatia. Sitting here after dinner tonight, amidst almost constant laughter, he testified to the fact that his service in a foreign country is no sacrifice. Over and over again he isisted "It is no sacrifice." Sure, he is human, and there are comforts that he and his family forego living outside the United States, but they find such joy in doing the work God has called them to that it seems as if they’re giving up nothing at all. Lately Dan and I have been challenged to evaluate our financial giving to the Lord, but compared to what our friends have foregone in His service, money is nothing. If God is really going to be honored by the investment we make in His work, it must be a joy. And it is a joy. While it must be sacrificial, it is no sacrifice.

Boys are gross. The grown-up-type are gross, as any male or married female can attest, but I always assumed that must be due at least primarily to training. I was wrong. They come out of the box with a propensity towards grossness, and most it seems never grow out of it. Fortunately for mommies, the innocence of the littlest males makes their grossnesses (spell-check is telling me that’s not a word) very nearly hilarious. At least that’s true in the case of my sweet Parker. As you may remember, he’s been potty-trained for several months now. However, when you’re dealing with a male bottom, there are more issues to be dealt with than simply timing. There’s this thing called aim. Parker doesn’t yet have that part down. We’re working on it, but we have had the inevitable accidents. This is where the gross part comes in. A few days ago, I was observing as Parker did his business. Unfortunately, in the handling of the appropriate member, his fingers got a little wet. And what do you do when your fingers are dirty. Well, if you’re a two year-old boy, you lick them off. Yes, lick. Do you think an exception would be made for urine? Of course not. Do you think there would be enough hesitancy to give mom a chance to stop the offensive action? No again. Do you think the taste would cause him pause? Nope. The crazy part is that this is the boy who can’t stand to have a little sugar on his hands from a churro. Licking is out of the question when it comes to sugar. Mama must come to the rescue with a wet-wipe for that kind of dirty. But urine? No big deal. At least it’s sterile, right?

NEW PICTURES!!!

Our precious Reagan is now 4 months old, and just look how she's grown! I have to say, it really is strange to watch your child grow up in photographs. I hardly recognized her, and truly had to look at these side-by-side with her 2 month photo to assure myself that they got the right baby. Of course they did, and I do see some similarities, but she certainly has changed. I'm glad they keep sending us these updates or I'd be liable to embrace the wrong child upon arriving in Vietnam. While I love this little girl, and long to hold her, she still is so much a stranger to us. My thoughts are so often consumed with her, yet until I received these pictures today I wouldn't have been able to pick her out of a crowd. I wouldn't recognize her cry if I heard it. I no nothing of her habits, temperment, preferences... yet she's my daughter all the same. I'm encouraged to see that she's grown, but relieved to see that she's still so small. I love the little shirt she's wearing, but can't wait to see her in the outfit I bought today. I'm glad that she can't take her eyes off of this caregiver, but wish it was my face she was glued to.

NEXT month might be THE month! I am still holding out hope that we will be able to travel to Vietnam in April. Things have to start moving here pretty quickly if that is going to be the case, but I am optimistic! Supposedly, the Vietnamese return from the Tet holiday anxious to work hard and start the New Year off right. If that’s the case, the police in Reagan’s province should be wrapping up her paperwork soon, and progress like that would certainly make this mama very happy. At the very least we anticipate receiving a new picture this week or next. The director of the Vietnam program at our agency just returned from a visit to all the orphanages, and will be dolling out her photos as soon as she recovers from jet lag. It seems as if most of the families from our agency are getting very anxious for some good news, and I count myself among the antsy crowd. We’ve only been logged in for a month, but it’s been almost 3 months since our referral and I am READY to bring that baby girl home. I have started filling a corner of our closet with all that we’ll take with us. I’ve complied a very extensive packing list. I’ve purchased at least a suitcase full of orphanage donations. I've started to come to terms with the fact that I’ll be away from my bio babies for 3 weeks. I’ve resurrected all of our baby gear. I’ve reorganized our entire house (don’t think nesting is just for the physically pregnant!). Just give me the word and I’ll be out the door!