Thursday, October 25, 2007

My baby is one!

Reagan turns one today, and my feelings approaching this event have been mixed. While it is a big milestone, in many ways it seems very anticlimactic. One year ago today was just a normal day for us – we had no idea that halfway around the world a little girl we would come to love with all of our hearts had been born. We surely thought about her and prayed for her on that day, but we have no cherished memories to accompany this celebration. Dan went to work while I stayed home with Alyssa and Parker, and I then spent the evening teaching my Cost Accounting course. There are no stories to rehearse of going into labor, packing up for the hospital, checking in, enduring the pain, joyfully setting our eyes on our child, greeting visitors, or any of the other things that normally accompany a birth. Instead I’m left to imagine what that day must have been like for the woman who gave Reagan life. Her feelings likewise must have been very mixed both then and now. She endured the pain of childbirth, but probably without the joy a mother is usually rewarded with at the end. Perhaps she was relieved to no longer be pregnant, but also faced the pain of knowing that she would never really know the baby she had cared and sacrificed for over the previous 9 months. While I wonder about and pray for her, she is probably equally curious about us. Perhaps she wonders who Reagan has become, what she looks like, whether she’s healthy, happy and loved. She may know by now that Reagan has been adopted by Americans. I wonder how she feels about a part of herself now residing so far away. I wonder whether we’ll ever get to meet this special lady. Somehow I think probably not. It’s strange that so many clues about who our daughter is and who she’ll become are hidden from us. Reagan herself will likely have even more unanswered questions than I do. I pray that she will be able to reconcile those missing pieces with the little bit we do know. More importantly I pray that she will one day embrace Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and find her identity in Him. So, we will celebrate today with a special appreciation for the life we have been entrusted with, and both the God and the woman who made that life possible.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REAGAN...LOVE, GAIL AND PAUL

LaLa said...

Happy Birthday beautiful girl. Like you, Annslee's birthday is a mixed bag...even our family day is that way. It seems all the days that bring us joy were born of someone else's pain...

Willis said...

Happy Birthday to Reagan! While I understand your questions, I must say I viewed Rocco's birthday differently. I was so happy that we had him by his birthday, I must admit I didn't even think about the day of his actual birth that much. I was so excited that God allowed us to travel and get him. My fear was that he'd spend his first birthday alone in the orphanage. In years to come, I'm sure he will have so many unanswered questions, too. I hope we can stay in touch with the Ninh Thaun adoptees so at least he will have that much information about his first few months of life.

Heather

piercefam said...

I can't believe that! I can see why you have mixed emotions. It is a whole new experience. Thanks for all you share about it on your site! Are you all safe and far fro the fires?

Nadra said...

Happy Birthday Reagan!!!!

I didn't think a lot about Ian's birth mother on his first birthday. We had only been home one month and I was just so thankful that God had heard my prayer to have him home by his first birthday. But....his second birthday...that was a different story. For about 2 weeks prior, all I could think about was his birth mother. It's hard when you think about what they must have been feeling / going through. And...it's equally hard when you wonder if they are really thinking about the child they gave birth to. I can certainly understand the wide aray of emotions you are feeling Laura.

Enjoy your precious 1 year old. She's certainly adorable.

Stay safe!!

Dan and Elisabeth said...

Happy birthday Regan! Laura your post is so true. I have the same thoughts and too wonder if we will ever be able to meet the beautiful woman who gave our son life. But the most important is knowing and loving Jesus Christ, who will give our little ones peace as they start to explore their identity. I hope you post pictures soon! :)

rachel said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Reagan!!!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this day. A lot of mixed emotions are all tied into our kids' birthdays. And it's hard as parents to not have all the answers, and I think I'll always be wondering what unspoken thoughts are swimming around inside those little heads.

Lori said...

Thanks for the precious glimpses into your mommy's heart, Laura. Joyeux anniversaire, Reagan!!!!