"Adopted"

I have become more aware and curious lately about the tendency in adoption culture to criticize the term “adopted.” Over and over again I’ve come across bloggers bemoaning the fact that outsiders openly identify their children as such. They feel slighted by any reference other than simply “daughter,” “son,” or “parent.” I’m sure I’ve offended more than such parent with my simple profile to the right. The fact I’ve labeled Reagan as our “first adopted daughter” has probably led many to believe that I am in some way ignorant or insensitive about the new reality that is our family. I would naturally like to believe that such is not the case at all. I am simply stating a very obvious fact. We are multicultural, and it is clear from the first glance that Reagan does not match the rest of us (at least on the outside!). I think it’s only natural for people to be curious about her, about us, and the adoption process. It’s strange to me that the same parents who cherish and have embraced the institution of adoption are so quick to shy away from any reference to it. From what I’ve gathered, it seems that many adoptive parents believe such labels can be derogatory – as if their status as parents, or their children’s status as legitimate members of the family, are somehow threatened by the term “adopted.” Their motivation, I believe, is honorable. They want to protect their family from scrutiny, or any sense of feeling “less than.” However, here is where I feel they are doing their children a disservice: By so quickly dismissing the term, they are actually reinforcing the notion that being adopted is less acceptable than being born into a family. I contend that adoption is even more precious than birth! While I would never deny that Alyssa and Parker are priceless treasures, and that the time I enjoyed with them in my womb was special, we prepared for Reagan in even more dramatic ways. We hoped, prayed and sacrificed for her years before we knew she existed. When people try to insinuate that adoption is an easier way to parenthood, I am the first one to insist that pregnancy and childbirth (even 3 hours of pushing!) is far less painful – both emotionally and physically. While most adoptive parents seem to worry about whether their adoptive child(ren) might feel slighted compared to the homegrown variety, I worry that the opposite might be true. I’ve considered that perhaps one day Alyssa and Parker might be insecure in the fact that they weren’t chosen in the same way that Reagan was. Though I’m sure there will be some challenges in parenting her as a result of her past, I pray that she will grow to be proud of the fact that she became our daughter in a very unique way. “Adopted” is a term that I hope Reagan will come to love, and view not as a curse but as concrete evidence of our love and sacrifice for her.