Over her head

So tomorrow my sister will become a television star! Or at the very least, we'll all get a good laugh. She and her husband will be on "Over Your Head" on HGTV at 11am e/p and their interactions with Eric Stromer are sure to be entertaining. Not because the show is funny, but because it's so far from it. The show's star didn't strike me as the most humble of individuals and Sarah's not one to humor anyone's cheesy jokes (except maybe Danny's!). I can't imagine how they're going to edit this one! The worst part is, all the work that the show did has already been destroyed thanks to a second-story addition Brian and Sarah had done after the taping. If you get a chance to tune in, at the very least you'll get to see how beautiful my sister is.

Putting the "fun" in "funeral"

Since I've known Danny, he has been dreading yesterday. His grandma has always been a huge part of his life, and her death was not something Danny's family had wanted to admit as a possibility - let alone an inevitability. She was blessed with 95 remarkably vital years, and it was only in the last 1 that we saw real proof of her mortality. God graciously weakened her, in large part I believe, to prepare all of us for her home-going. And in fact, yesterday's memorial proved that we were all in large degree, ready. Danny actually remarked on a number of occasions that it was FUN. And it was. There were, of course, plenty of tears as we remembered a godly, loving, selfless woman, but there was a great deal of laughter too. We have no doubt that Grandma is in heaven, enjoying fellowship with her Savior, so in a very real sense we rejoiced in the cessation of her pain. Most of us also have assurance through God's Word and a relationship with His Son that we'll someday be joining her. So ours is only a temporary good-bye. I don't pretend to understand the grief of those closest to Grandma or intend to diminish it, but there were no hopeless, heart-wrenching sobs filling the chapel that morning. We enjoyed our time together as a family - supported by hundreds of friends - honoring a woman who loved us beyond measure, and our God who she loved even more. This is a little bit of the tribute Danny was able to share with everyone yesterday:

"My grandma accomplished many noteworthy things in her 96 years, but she saved her best for this past year. Grandma has consistently provided the appropriate lessons for my level of maturity. When I was young, she taught me lessons like “look before crossing the street,” “stay seated at the dinner table,” and “be sure to go potty before going to bed to avoid an accident.” As I grew older (and hopefully more mature) the lessons continued, but became far less trivial. Grandma taught her final and most important lesson as she prepared for eternity with our Lord. Grandma faced her mortality with no fear of what was to come as she “watched expectantly for the God of our salvation” (Micah 7:7)."
"As we watched Grandma’s health deteriorate and her strength and independence disappear, her focus never wavered. The day before she died I was able to spend some time with Grandma and read to her from Scripture. Do you know what elicited a “two thumbs up” from her? A passage from Revelation 21 which says: “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth…. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Grandma’s character was consistent to the end. She continued to love and care for us, placing our needs before her own - including graciously allowing us to address her mortality. We weren’t forced to ignore the fact that she would soon be Heaven-bound. I am so thankful for the manner in which she lived her life, but I will be permanently impacted by the way she prepared to die."
"Grandma understood that she only had a few more hours to live and it was her hope in our Savior that brought her peace and joy. Do you have that hope and peace? You can! Grandma spent her final moments reminding us of how we should live. I am grateful for all of the lessons she taught me, most important were the ones that pointed me to the One Who is worthy of our love, our hope and our life."

Pool babies

One of God's little graces to us in Grandma's passing was a trip to the desert blessedly sandwiched between her death and her memorial service. We return home tomorrow to spend time with out-of-town family, but have thoroughly enjoyed a week of little but swimming, sleeping, reading, and eating good food. My idea of a great time!

Life and Death

On Friday our family welcomed a new life.

On Saturday we said good-bye to an old one.

Scout Magnolia was born to Danny's brother and sister-in-law, and Grandma Cook held on just long enough to see her face. This photo is from Grandma's 96th birthday, at the moment she discovered the last of her 7 grandchildren would be a parent, and declared that she now had another goal in life. God graciously granted her last wish, and she affirmed that it was "worth the fight." But as much as Grandma wanted to see Scout's face, she was more determined to see her Saviour and entered His presence just 24 hours later. I'll later post a bit of Danny's eulogy, and share how much we've all learned from both watching Grandma live, and watching her die. God has been so kind to all of us as we rejoice with Peter and Emily, and joyfully grieve Grandma's home-going. Thanks to so many of you who are sharing with us in both our excitement and grief!

Gotcha!

Two years ago, half a world away, the little girl sleeping upstairs became my baby. Or maybe more accurately, over the past two years, on this side of the world, that baby has become mine. On May 15th, 2007 Ho Thi Thao Van was legally made our daughter. But she didn’t yet feel like ours. Not that we had any real bonding issues - from the first moment on, Reagan seemed to like us. By God’s grace and lots of prayer, she fit quite seamlessly into our family. I loved her then. But I know her now. Now she’s more than just a picture or some legal documents sent in an e-mail. Reagan is more than the little bundle placed in my arms on that Mother’s Day. She’s not just a child, she’s mine, with all the accompanying affection, frustrations, laughs, tears, and makes-your-heart-want-to-burst pride in the girl she is becoming. When I really think about it, it boggles my mind how God selected her to be a part of our family. But mostly I don’t think about it at all. She is a natural part of us, even though the means He used was not nature. I often forget that we don’t “match.” Usually I just thank God for the three incredible little bodies He has allowed me to mother, and rejoice in the family He has made us. Happy Gotcha Day baby girl!

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

Officially a PTA mom?

So completing a diorama on Mother's Day must be a check-mark on a "real mom" list somewhere, right? I'm sure you're all impressed with my artistic ability. Just tell me, what exactly is a first-grader supposed to learn from "helping" a parent assemble such a masterpiece?

What else?

17 nights alone... did you think I wouldn't be painting? While Danny was in Malawi last year, I passed the time with a paintbrush. By the time he returned I had painted all the common areas in our home. But do you think I've painted since then? Not so much. I guess you could say that Danny is just that entertaining. Now that he's away again, I've struck up the old friendship and my Purdy and I have been getting along swimmingly. We've tackled Alyssa and Reagan's room - with help, of course - and it is now a soft shade of pink (Parker calls it "strawberry yogurt"). Next we had a little fun with stripes in Parker's room, mimicking the cherished schooner we wrestled home from Vietnam. Finally, today I finished the guest room, which turned out quite well considering the mixing games I played with leftovers to come up with the final colors. Now if I could just drag myself up to the master bath to finish cutting in (a project Danny and I started together on a whim several months ago), every wall in the house will be complete!

Climbing the walls

Literally. I probably encouraged questionable behavior by photographing this (or rather, by asking him to do it again so I could go grab my camera!) but I'm just floored by Parker's abilities to scale walls. He's little, but he's one solid muscle. So very unlike his mama.

"Helpers"

Just because Danny's away, don't think I don't have help around here! Alyssa and Parker were diligent little painter's assistants today, and Reagan was our very charming cheerleader.

When the cat's away...

the mice will do wild and crazy things like... eat dinner at McDonald's.

Aloneish

Friday evening Danny left for another missions trip to Malawi, so it's just me and the kids here for 17 days. I'm thrilled he could go and support our dear friends, Brian and Anita, but we miss him already! He misses us too and asked if I would post a few kid pics here for him. So here you go honey, the three cutest kids on the planet (IMHO!):

Job perks

While I was at the hospital meeting little Harper, Danny was at work meeting this guy:

While not nearly as cute as my niece, Bono's pretty cool, huh?

Happy Birthday!

Meet my beautiful new niece, Harper Catherine, born this evening to my BIL Brian and sister Sarah. She came out with sweet strawberry blonde fuzz, creamy skin, and a chin dimple to match that of my favorite newphew and her proud brother, Lincoln. What a great gift from God!

Following Daddy down memory lane

Danny's favorite hot dog comes from a dive called Cupid's. It's housed within a time-worn hut, set on a parking lot adorned with only a few concrete tables and rusted-out umbrellas. Since it's adjacent to Danny's alma matter and childhood home, he has fond memories of downing a few in between classes or after a long day of yardwork. I'm convinced that it's appeal comes more from the nostalgia than the cuisine. Hot dogs in general are not at the top of my list, but ones doused in runny chili and prepared in conditions of questionable cleanliness are quite near the bottom. To my dismay, however, it seems that Alyssa and Parker are taking their Daddy's side on this one. Take a look at their faces after their first Cupid's dogs and tell me what you think:

And just a bonus shot for you of our Parker Monkey cause he's just so darn cute! Stay tuned for pictures of my brand-new neice, scheduled to appear tomorrow!

Easter beauties

So much for “never”!

We’re about to embark on a path I was certain I would never trod. I will soon become what I’ve often said I would never be. Our family is going to transition into a lifestyle I never thought I would embrace. Would you believe that we’re going to try homeschooling?! If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably groaning, thinking we’ve just strapped our children with a social handicap or sub-par education. I’ve known my share of odd and/or under-educated homeschoolers too. (Though, to be fair, I’ve known at least as many who are articulate, well-behaved, fun, and bright). We definitely understand that there will be some challenges ahead, but believe that the risks are outweighed by the rewards… at least for our family.
This choice was precipitated by a recent change in Danny’s schedule. Up until three months ago, his work followed the school schedule perfectly: he left by 5:45 a.m. and was home by 5:00 p.m. He always had weekends and school holidays off. Even with a full day of school and an early bedtime, Alyssa saw her daddy for at least 2 ½ hours a day. We’re now adjusting to an 11 a.m. start time – putting the end of his shift at around 10 p.m. – and a mere 45 minutes or so in the morning as a family of 5, which is marred by the rushing around of getting out the door to go to school. The four of us then have a great lazy morning together of playing, eating breakfast, riding bikes, reading - all the stuff we used to do together in the evenings. It works, but it’s just not complete without Alyssa. Next year throw Parker into the mix with 2 separate start and end times, and family time will be limited even more. School is just inconvenient. Of course we recognize that convenience alone shouldn’t be the sole basis for a decision like this, but if the kids’ formal education can take place in 3 hours instead of 7 ½ (+ homework), starting at 11 instead of 8, packed mostly into Monday-Thursday (leaving P.E., field trips and other fun stuff for Fridays when Danny’s home all day), and scheduled around the vacations we want to take instead of the vacations the state says we can take, how can that be all bad? We would rather our kids spend time with us than wasting it on things like lining up, passing out papers, collecting papers, recess, lunch, movies, teaching to the ESL’ers, dealing with discipline issues, and the list goes on (not that valuable life lessons can’t be learned through those things, just sayin’ that there has to be a more efficient way). The last two weeks of spring break have been a little bit of heaven around here. The kids have gone on all kinds of bike rides and runs with Danny (Alyssa included!), we’ve been able to sleep in a little, spend the night at grandparents’, let Reagan nap when she wants needs to instead of when it fits with the pick-up schedule, go away for a couple of days, stay up late with our Bible Study students, and just enjoy our little girl. I’m under no illusion that homeschooling would be a total break from routine or responsibilities, but it would be flexible and far less time-consuming.
Which leads me to another compelling “pro” for our family: extracurricular activities. We want our kids to be involved in soccer, dance, T-ball, swim team, church events, music, AWANA. We believe that God can use those kinds of activities to teach them about teamwork, taking on a challenge, and submitting to a leader, or to develop life-long habits of health and discipline. We just don’t think they’re valuable enough to sacrifice the majority of our family time to enjoy them, so up to this point we’ve generally said no. But with homeschooling, we can potentially free up an extra 3 hours each morning and make the afternoon running around to such activities less of a drain. I know plenty of people do it all – I just don’t think I can – nor do we want our kids or our family to be that busy.
Our hope is that involvement in these activities outside of school (in addition to, potentially, a homeschooling group, and the many kids in our neighborhood), will counteract our one big fear in this endeavor: socialization. I used to think that traditional schooling was The Way to turn out Normal kids. I am now willing to admit that kids can learn social skills outside of that environment and that I don’t necessarily want our kids to be normal. We want them to be godly, and they can learn that as well, if not better, outside of the peer pressures a school would provide. It’s okay for them to be odd if normal means being up on the latest trends and acquainted with age-appropriate vices. And have you ever noticed that there are strange kids in schools too? It just seems that if you’re strange and homeschooled you’re that way because of homeschooling. I know our kids will face those stereotypes, as will Danny and I, but hope that we can overcome them and prove the naysayers wrong.
A social benefit we hope our kids will receive is lasting friendship with each other. A consistent theme among homeschoolers we’ve known is a genuine love for and enjoyment of their siblings, no matter the difference in age. Despite the importance I’ve always placed in my mind on friendships from elementary, Jr. High and High School, and my many “friends” on Facebook, I can count on one hand the number of real relationships I’ve maintained from my pre-college days. Danny is the exception with many great friendships dating back as far as elementary school. My sister and I another exception in that we’re incredibly close while she went to private school and I went to public. I’m not saying sibling affection can’t happen outside of a homeschooling environment, or that valuable relationships can’t be formed early in life, but I’d rather give my kids the best possible chance at being friends with each other than at being the most popular kid in school.
Another potential challenge is, of course, the academics. I might be totally naïve here, but at this point I think I can handle the challenge of teaching. Undoubtedly there will be days that prove to be much more trying than I’ve anticipated. I know God will teach me patience and if the kids learn nothing else they will hopefully see the result of His sanctifying work in me. But He has given me some life experience and an education that leads me to believe we’ll be okay. I taught kids piano for several years, and have taught college now for five. Teaching someone to read admittedly seems a little daunting, but there is curriculum for that, right?! (Which I should probably be researching that instead of blogging!) For all my lack of early-childhood-education knowledge, however, is the real benefit of knowing what my kids are supposed to be learning and reinforcing that in everyday life. Once I figured out that Alyssa was learning about money in school we could count coins together waiting for our food at In-N-Out. When we discovered she was a little wiz at decoding but not as strong in comprehension, we could focus on asking her questions about what she’d read instead of just letting her plow through. If I become her primary teacher, I’ll know things like this immediately and first hand. We’ll be able to spend extra time on the areas in which our kids struggle, as well as challenge them in the subjects in which they thrive, instead of just teaching to the middle. I mean this as no indictment of teachers in general or Alyssa’s teachers in particular. We have loved both of Alyssa’s teachers thus far and firmly believe that the majority of teachers do the best possible job within the many constraints of the system. However, we would love to be able to give our kids more personalized instruction, supplemented by experiences outside of the classroom, and rooted in a biblical way of looking at life.
With all of my defenses here, which is by no means a comprehensive or even convincing list, I do want to reiterate that we know this is not a perfect solution. If it were we wouldn’t have struggled over our decision for as long as we have. Public school isn’t perfect, private school isn’t perfect, and even the best homeschooling isn’t perfect. There are pros and cons to each, and our list of pros and cons will certainly be different at this time next year. We’ve prayed about it, talked about it, discussed it with other parents from both sides of the fence, found support from both of our families, and ultimately determined that this is the best choice for our family at this time. We think it will be fun, we know it will be hard, but we’re really looking forward to have our three favorite little faces here all day every day, at home, with us.

Essentials

A baby shower for my newest niece recently prompted a visit to the Great Hall of Pacifiers for the Newly Parenting (otherwise known as Babies R Us). Experienced parents recognize that 95% of the stock in this mammoth emporium is either totally unnecessary or easily substituted with a less trendy, less expensive alternative. Fresh parents (myself included, once upon a time) tend to see it as The Solution to all of the nervous anticipation associated with being responsible for a new life. And not just any life, but a life utterly incapable of communicating by any other means than sobbing. Like so many others, I registered for baby care items I ended up rarely using in hopes that they might make this new journey a little less treacherous. Fortunately I also received gift cards from wise older mothers who knew I would need a little time to figure out exactly what I would need to care for this precious package. Much like brides who have never cooked have difficulty identifying the essential implements for their new kitchens, it's hard to expect someone who has never parented to pick out the perfect gear for the child they've never met. Turns out, kids don't need much more than a basic car seat, diapers, wipes, a comfy place to sleep, and a pacifier or ten. And, in Parker's case, this most essential of child-care items: Who would have thought that this little belt (an item, incidentally, not even stocked by 'R Us) would prove to be an invaluable asset in raising my son. Like many adoptive parents of Vietnamese children, I've found that American baby clothes are tailored to fit the chubbier end of our growth charts. My decidedly non-Vietnamese baby boy engaged this device early on to prevent his pants from slipping off his very narrow bottom - a problem exacerbated by potty training completed long before he grew out of garments designed to accommodate a bulky diaper, or grew into those fitted with adjustable waistbands. Now I face the same problem with a very-typically narrow Vietnamese baby girl body, but without the fortunate advent of belt loops. I'll let you know when I track down the female equivalent of this fabulous accessory, at Babies R Us or elsewhere. In the meantime, Parker will still be begging for his belt - now employed in the essential role of sword-sheath-holder.

Spring Break fun III: Tree Climbing

Spring Break fun II: Balboa Island ferry